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Dave Eggers' The Wild Things is available for preorder, in regular hardcover and
limited-edition fur-covered.

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YOUR STREET-HARASSMENT QUESTIONS ANSWERED. BY WENDY MOLYNEUX - - - - Hey, baby! Do fries come with that shake? Actually, with this shake, you get a choice of sides. You can have regular or curly fries, jalapeño poppers, or a side salad. What kinds of dressing do you have? You can get ranch, honey-mustard, or lite Italian. What about onion rings? They're a dollar extra. Can I get this to go? Yes! And you can also shove it up your ass, you fucking idiot. - - - - Pardon me, miss. I seem to have lost my phone number. Could I borrow yours? Do you mean that you forgot it, or that you actually misplaced it? It's weird, but I actually misplaced it. But that's impossible. A number is abstract. How could you misplace it? I'm not supposed to say this, but I work for the government, and time and space are collapsing. Abstract concepts have acquired actual mass, and can now be misplaced. So, do you think you might lose your chauvinism? And your lack of respect for other people? I hope not. That's kind of what I'm about. - - - - Hey, can I get in your pants? I think they might be too small for you. All right, then. Can I get in your shirt? But I'm wearing a floral blouse. Aren't you worried that these guys you're hanging out on the porch with will laugh at you or call you names if you wear a blouse? Well, if they do that, I guess they're not really my friends. Wow, you're a lot more secure than I would have expected. And deeper. Yeah, it's weird. I woke up this morning and my low self-esteem had vanished. That's probably because time and space are collapsing, and abstract concepts have acquired physical form, meaning that we can lose them. So, do you think you'll lose that chip on your shoulder? God, I hope not. It's kind of what I'm about. - - - - OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES: - - - - Your Street-Harassment Questions Answered By Wendy Molyneux A Toast to Randy, the Oldest Son in My Secret Family By John Jodzio Dispatches From Adjunct Faculty at a Large State University By Oronte Churm Ask Your Doctor By Aran Kadar Where Are They Now? By Teddy Wayne

- - - - MAIN PAGE | ARCHIVES Memories of Amanda Davis Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE THE BEST AMERICAN NONREQUIRED READING McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST BOOKSTORES WITH A McSWEENEY'S DISPLAY McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S PREDICTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS NEW WHOLPHIN FILM DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST TEDDY WAYNE'S UNPOPULAR PROVERBS REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD DISPATCHES FROM MANILA DISPATCHES FROM MOSCOW AND HERE'S THE KICKER: MIKE SACKS'S CONVERSATIONS WITH HUMOR WRITERS SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT DISPATCHES FROM THE ANACOSTIA DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL DISPATCHES FROM INDIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELEBRITY MUSICALS SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES KIDS' LETTERS TO PRESIDENT OBAMA STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE DISPATCHES FROM THE WINGS AT THE BALLET YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT ABOUT GOD SAYS NO ABOUT UNDERGROUND AMERICA ABOUT THANKS AND HAVE FUN RUNNING THE COUNTRY LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY DAN KENNEDY SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS WITH PAPER STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL