If Only They Kept Diaries: Accu-Weather Guy and Snap, Crackle, Pop. BY JEFF STEINBRINK - - - - Accu-Weather Guy - - - - Mon. Something grayish over Great Lakes. Snow? Accu-Radar a joke. Chance of precip ... 20%? Chance I remembered to TiVo 24: 50%. Chance I'll ever get to be sports guy: 5%. Chance I could take sports guy one-on-one: 2%. Lo tonite 28. Hi tomorrow 42. Tues. Raining c&dogs all day. Clueless abt tomorrow. More rain? Hi 35. News team makes me wear rain hat, slicker for 5:30 weathercast. Hate news team. Chance Sox will repeat: 100%! Three-peat: 100%! Lo tonite 28. Precip (rain) 70%. Wed. Snow. Lost $30 to news team. Accu-Radar shaped like butterfly. Chance things will work out w/ Danielle in Mktng: 10%. Can't snow again. Clearing tonight, p/cloudy tomorrow, hi 38. Precip: No way. Thurs. Snow. Had to wear Russian hat for 5:30 cast, news team making gag/choke sounds off-mic. Warming, clear rest of week. Hi's in 40s tmrw. No precip (60%). Chance Charlie on Lost will end up w/ Claire: 0 Fri. Clear. Hate Fridays. News team drinks, once pantsed me during 11:00 cast. Whispered "hairpiece" tonite off-mic. Got flustered, mixed up Iowa w/ Kansas on Big Map, said "bosom" (for "Boston") on-air. Continued clear, cooler (80%). Lo tonight around freezing. Sat. Snow. Lost $30 to news team. Russian hat. Snow snow snow. Chance MTV will pimp my ride: 0 Sun. Snow. Bermuda high forming? Accu-Radar shaped like Buddha. Lost $30 to news team. Hate news team. - - - - SNAP, CRACKLE, POP - - - - Week 1 Snap: SNAP!!! SNAP!!! SNAP!!! Crackle: CRACKLE!!! CRACKLE!!! CRACKLE!!! Pop: POP!!! POP!!! POP!!! Week 2 Snap: SNAP!! SNAP SNAP! Crackle: CRACKLE CRACKLE! CRACKLE Pop: POP!! POP!! POP! Week 3 Snap: Snap SNAP! snap Crackle: CRACKLE crackle crackle Pop: Pop POP pop Week 4 Snap: snap ... snap ... snap Crackle: crackle ... Crackle ... crackle Pop: pop ... pop ... Week 5 Snap: snap Crackle: crackle Pop: pop Week 6 Snap: pop Crackle: snap Pop: ... ding-dong Week 7 Snap: fffft Crackle: oink Pop: hey now Week 8 Snap: ... Crackle: zzzzz Pop: whuddup? - - - - OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES: - - - - If Only They Kept Diaries: Accu-Weather Guy and Snap, Crackle, Pop By Jeff Steinbrink My Vacation With The Government By Wendy Molyneux Abercrombie: A Journey Into the Heart of Toolness By Lance Huffman "The Aristocrats" as I Think Bob Newhart Would Perform It By Tabetha Wells More Cases From the Files of Traig & McGrath, Shut-In Detectives: Cases 38 & 39 By Jenny Traig and Peter McGrath

- - - - MAIN PAGE   |   ARCHIVES   Memories of Amanda Davis   Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S PREDICTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS NEW WHOLPHIN FILM DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST JOKES BY BRIAN BEATTY REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD DISPATCHES FROM MOSCOW SO YOU WANT TO BE PRESIDENT? DISPATCHES FROM THE ANACOSTIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELEBRITY MUSICALS DISPATCHES FROM A HUMANITARIAN JOURNALIST DISPATCHES FROM IRAQ SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES PHILIP GRAHAM SPENDS A YEAR IN LISBON STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE DISPATCHES FROM THE NAPOLEONIC WARS AT THE MET KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE SONGS OF ENEMIES AND DESERTS: LIVING WITH THE SUDAN LIBERATION ARMY LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST ABOUT WHAT IS THE WHAT ABOUT BOWL OF CHERRIES ABOUT COMEDY BY THE NUMBERS ABOUT JOHN BRANDON'S ARKANSAS ABOUT MICHAEL CHABON'S MAPS AND LEGENDS ABOUT UNDERGROUND AMERICA LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY DISPATCHES FROM THE NBA ENTERTAINMENT LEAGUE JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES B.R. COHEN'S ANNALS OF SCIENCE INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY DISPATCHES FROM ROY KESEY, AN AMERICAN GUY MARRIED TO A PERUVIAN DIPLOMAT LIVING IN CHINA STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL