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Dave Eggers' The Wild Things is available for preorder, in regular hardcover and
limited-edition fur-covered.

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CATE BLANCHETT
UPGRADES HER
CABLE SERVICE.

BY EMILY TALBOTT

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Hi. I'd like to see about maybe changing my cable service? I'm not in my 20s anymore and I'm not blown away by the local channels; in fact, I wince when I think about myself watching only local channels. I think, Shut up! I'm definitely not interested in being in my comfort zone as a viewer—you've got to take risks! On the other hand, I'm not sure I'm ready for satellite yet. I've got children now, an experience that utterly changed me—no, maybe expanded is the better word—and I don't have time for BBC America or ESPNEWS.

I do need A&E, the kind of network where they show, like, the Butoh dancers. I would love to have been a Butoh dancer. It's a form of dance that was born out of the holocaust in Japan where the tortured insides of the human spirit express themselves in the external. I find it absolutely hypnotic.

Also, the movie channels—I've worked with so many brilliant directors. Their films—how can I express this?—we feel like we understand but then we're distanced from them at the same time. It's quite Brechtian.

Soderbergh, for example. He lets me throw it all out there, then pull it back again and only use what I need. I completely love and trust his process. I listen to him, because he speaks with enormous weight and gravitas. But he can be silly and just kick back and wear funny hats!

I'm drifting toward Classic Cable—do you still have the Home Shopping Network? It's a terrible weakness—oh, my God—shopping! A few years ago, I bought some ... you know that shop Lily et Cie? It's in Beverly Hills near the Four Seasons. Secondhand. Fantastic. I couldn't believe what I was spending on a jacket; I agonized. But I bought this beautiful ... snake, snakeskin, might be python ... vintage Gucci jacket.

And I like bowls. There's a fantastic kitchen shop near the King's Cross Underground in London—Summerill & Bishop. Brilliant bowls.

Does the Classic package include National Geographic? I mean, the world is so much larger than what happens in my own small world.

OK, let's do it. $39.99? I need to get this behind me. No offense, but I want to get back to living my small, quiet, elusive life.

It's all about the process.

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OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:

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Cate Blanchett Upgrades Her Cable Service By Emily Talbott
Voices From the Storm: Part 2
Responses to Recurrent Critiques of My Toothbrush-of-the-Month Club Idea By Jay Wexler
La Maison du Nord Bachelorette Party Prix Fixe Menu By Todd Levin
Rejected America's Funniest Home Videos Submissions, as Logged by Junior Production Assistant Intern Kenneth Polk By Andrew Kiraly

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