ALICE WALKER MEETS ROY G. BIV. BY LAURENCE HUGHES - - - - I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it. He gets put out if you walk by the color red, too. Doesn't necessarily have to be in a field. Could be anywhere. If you walk by orange? Like, at HoJo's? He gets irked. No, wait—more like nettled. He'll be peevish, I guarantee that. Yellow, you better be like, "Oh, wow, yellow," or He'll get all cranky with you. Don't go ignoring green, whatever you do. Man, does He get hot under the collar if you ignore green. Blue? Choleric, I swear. Overlook indigo and He goes right through the roof. I mean it, He'll rip the top of your head right off. If you walk by the color violet, He goes fucking ballistic. - - - - OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES: - - - - Alice Walker Meets Roy G. Biv By Laurence Hughes To: Peter Criss; From: Beth By John Moe The Azande Tribesman Makes His Weekly Football Picks By Eric Silver After Drinking Too Many Martinis at Lunch, Old Man Potter, Unwisely Acting as His Own Attorney, Delivers His Closing Remarks to a Bedford Falls Jury By G.F. Snell III Bean and Nothingness By Jon Fitch

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