Timothy McSweeney's Header Image

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Dave Eggers' The Wild Things is available for preorder, in regular hardcover and
limited-edition fur-covered.

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THE SLOW
AND PAINFUL
COLLAPSE OF A
RELATIONSHIP
OVER THE COURSE OF
A WEEKLONG VACATION
AS EXPRESSED BY THE
NAMES EACH PARTNER
GAVE THEIR DIGITAL
PHOTOS TAKEN DURING
SAID VACATION.

BY MATT HULTEN

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Monday

Matt.jpg

Carrie.jpg

IloveMatt.jpg

IloveCarrietoo.jpg

Squirrel.jpg

DidMattjustwasteapictureonastupidsquirrel.jpg

IthinkCarrieisangrythatItookapictureofasquirrel.jpg

MattissnappingpicturesofverminwhenImsittinghere
wearingthemostadorablenewskirt.jpg

Carriewillnotletthesquirrelthinggo.jpg


Tuesday

ImreallyhopingtodaywithCarriewillbebetterthan
yesterday.jpg

MaybeIoverreactedandIshouldnthaveyelledatMattfor
thesquirrelthing. jpg

IreallydontlikedancingbutifitwillmakeCarriehappy
Illmakeaneffort.jpg

HeresMattpretendinghesprainedhisanklesohedoesnthave
totakemedancing.jpg

WeareinthefreakingBahamasandallMattwantstodoischeck
hisfantasyfootballscores.jpg


Wednesday

IfIcanjustmakeitthroughtodaywithoutfightingwith
CarrieIthinkwecansalvagethistrip.jpg

MeintheoutfitMattsaidmademelooklikemymother.jpg

IdontknowwhatIwasthinkingwhenItoldCarriethatshe
lookedlikehermother.jpg

IfCarriedoesntshutthehellupaboutgoingdancingIm
goingtokillmyself.jpg

MattsayshesgoingtothehotelbarbutIknowhesreally
goingtoastripclub.jpg

CouldCarriesbathingsuitbeanysmaller.jpg


Thursday

OnlyfourmoredayswithMattandthenIcangohome.jpg

WhydidntIjustgotoVegaswithmyfriendsinsteadofcoming
tothishellholewithCarrie.jpg

ImstartingtoforgetwhatIeversawinMatttobeginwith.jpg

Mattisapparentlycontentspendinghisdaysdoingnothing
butgettingdrunk.jpg

ImprettysurethatguyjustgrabbedCarriesass.jpg

IfIseeMatthitononemorenineteenyearoldImgoingtovomit.jpg

Carrieisopenlyflirtingwitheverythingontwolegsrightinfront
ofme.jpg


Friday

IdistinctlyrememberCarriesayingthistripwouldbegood
forourrelationshipbutIdontrecallhertellingmeitwouldbe
theworstweekofmyentirelife.jpg

MattisdrunkagainandIthinkhemightverywellhaveaserious
drinkingproblemthathesbeenhidingfromme.jpg

SomeoneshouldtellCarriethatwhenshedoesbodyshotsoff
aguytenyearsyoungerthanherselfitsnotcuteitspathetic.jpg


Saturday

HeresCarrieandthebastardshesprobablydoing
behindmyback.jpg

ThecouchisgoodenoughforMattandifhethinkshessleeping
withmehesoutofhisdamnmind.jpg

Iveseenhomelessmenwearingnicerclothesthanwhat
Matthasonrightnow.jpg

Carrieisprovingherselftobeevenmoreofashamelesswhore
thanIoriginallythoughtwaspossible.jpg

Judgingbythewayhehashandledhimselfonthistripitsnowonder
Mattcantholddownasteadyjob.jpg

Carrieiswearinganotheroutfitevenaprostitutewouldbe
embarrassedtobeseenin.jpg


Sunday

IhopeIvemadethisweekasmiserableforCarrie
asshehasforme.jpg

IthinkweshouldseeotherpeopleMatt.jpg

ThatsfinebymeCarrieIllsendyouabillforyour
halfofthetrip.jpg

YoucangotohellMattyoucangostraighttohell.jpg

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OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:

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The Slow and Painful Collapse of a Relationship Over the Course of a Weeklong Vacation as Expressed by the Names Each Partner Gave Their Digital Photos Taken During Said Vacation By Matt Hulten
My Memoirs of My Geisha By Rick Stoeckel
A Seminar for Nightclub Bouncers, as Conducted by a Big, Menacing Former Doorman Who Abhors Violence By Amir Farhang and Omid Farhang
Why Can't I Be as Smart as You? By Kyle Killen
Sample Emoticons for e-Kicking Someone in the e-Balls By Barbara DeCesare

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Memories of Amanda Davis




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