Through this Friday, all available back issues of Wholphin are half off—10 bucks apiece for countless warm evenings of rare films, featuring Miranda July, Paul Rudd, Donald Trump, and a monkey-faced eel. - - - -

THE SLOW AND PAINFUL COLLAPSE OF A RELATIONSHIP OVER THE COURSE OF A WEEKLONG VACATION AS EXPRESSED BY THE NAMES EACH PARTNER GAVE THEIR DIGITAL PHOTOS TAKEN DURING SAID VACATION. BY MATT HULTEN - - - - Monday Matt.jpg Carrie.jpg IloveMatt.jpg IloveCarrietoo.jpg Squirrel.jpg DidMattjustwasteapictureonastupidsquirrel.jpg IthinkCarrieisangrythatItookapictureofasquirrel.jpg MattissnappingpicturesofverminwhenImsittinghere wearingthemostadorablenewskirt.jpg Carriewillnotletthesquirrelthinggo.jpg Tuesday ImreallyhopingtodaywithCarriewillbebetterthan yesterday.jpg MaybeIoverreactedandIshouldnthaveyelledatMattfor thesquirrelthing. jpg IreallydontlikedancingbutifitwillmakeCarriehappy Illmakeaneffort.jpg HeresMattpretendinghesprainedhisanklesohedoesnthave totakemedancing.jpg WeareinthefreakingBahamasandallMattwantstodoischeck hisfantasyfootballscores.jpg Wednesday IfIcanjustmakeitthroughtodaywithoutfightingwith CarrieIthinkwecansalvagethistrip.jpg MeintheoutfitMattsaidmademelooklikemymother.jpg IdontknowwhatIwasthinkingwhenItoldCarriethatshe lookedlikehermother.jpg IfCarriedoesntshutthehellupaboutgoingdancingIm goingtokillmyself.jpg MattsayshesgoingtothehotelbarbutIknowhesreally goingtoastripclub.jpg CouldCarriesbathingsuitbeanysmaller.jpg Thursday OnlyfourmoredayswithMattandthenIcangohome.jpg WhydidntIjustgotoVegaswithmyfriendsinsteadofcoming tothishellholewithCarrie.jpg ImstartingtoforgetwhatIeversawinMatttobeginwith.jpg Mattisapparentlycontentspendinghisdaysdoingnothing butgettingdrunk.jpg ImprettysurethatguyjustgrabbedCarriesass.jpg IfIseeMatthitononemorenineteenyearoldImgoingtovomit.jpg Carrieisopenlyflirtingwitheverythingontwolegsrightinfront ofme.jpg Friday IdistinctlyrememberCarriesayingthistripwouldbegood forourrelationshipbutIdontrecallhertellingmeitwouldbe theworstweekofmyentirelife.jpg MattisdrunkagainandIthinkhemightverywellhaveaserious drinkingproblemthathesbeenhidingfromme.jpg SomeoneshouldtellCarriethatwhenshedoesbodyshotsoff aguytenyearsyoungerthanherselfitsnotcuteitspathetic.jpg Saturday HeresCarrieandthebastardshesprobablydoing behindmyback.jpg ThecouchisgoodenoughforMattandifhethinkshessleeping withmehesoutofhisdamnmind.jpg Iveseenhomelessmenwearingnicerclothesthanwhat Matthasonrightnow.jpg Carrieisprovingherselftobeevenmoreofashamelesswhore thanIoriginallythoughtwaspossible.jpg Judgingbythewayhehashandledhimselfonthistripitsnowonder Mattcantholddownasteadyjob.jpg Carrieiswearinganotheroutfitevenaprostitutewouldbe embarrassedtobeseenin.jpg Sunday IhopeIvemadethisweekasmiserableforCarrie asshehasforme.jpg IthinkweshouldseeotherpeopleMatt.jpg ThatsfinebymeCarrieIllsendyouabillforyour halfofthetrip.jpg YoucangotohellMattyoucangostraighttohell.jpg - - - - OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES: - - - - The Slow and Painful Collapse of a Relationship Over the Course of a Weeklong Vacation as Expressed by the Names Each Partner Gave Their Digital Photos Taken During Said Vacation By Matt Hulten My Memoirs of My Geisha By Rick Stoeckel A Seminar for Nightclub Bouncers, as Conducted by a Big, Menacing Former Doorman Who Abhors Violence By Amir Farhang and Omid Farhang Why Can't I Be as Smart as You? By Kyle Killen Sample Emoticons for e-Kicking Someone in the e-Balls By Barbara DeCesare

- - - - MAIN PAGE   |   ARCHIVES   Memories of Amanda Davis   Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE THE BEST AMERICAN NONREQUIRED READING McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S PREDICTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS NEW WHOLPHIN FILM DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST JOKES BY BRIAN BEATTY REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD DISPATCHES FROM MOSCOW SO YOU WANT TO BE PRESIDENT? DISPATCHES FROM THE ANACOSTIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELEBRITY MUSICALS DISPATCHES FROM A HUMANITARIAN JOURNALIST DEB OLIN UNFERTH'S SICK OF THE REVOLUTION DISPATCHES FROM IRAQ SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES PHILIP GRAHAM SPENDS A YEAR IN LISBON STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE DISPATCHES FROM THE NAPOLEONIC WARS AT THE MET KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE SONGS OF ENEMIES AND DESERTS: LIVING WITH THE SUDAN LIBERATION ARMY LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST ABOUT WHAT IS THE WHAT ABOUT BOWL OF CHERRIES ABOUT COMEDY BY THE NUMBERS ABOUT JOHN BRANDON'S ARKANSAS ABOUT MICHAEL CHABON'S MAPS AND LEGENDS ABOUT UNDERGROUND AMERICA ABOUT DEB OLIN UNFERTH'S VACATION LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY DISPATCHES FROM THE NBA ENTERTAINMENT LEAGUE JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES B.R. COHEN'S ANNALS OF SCIENCE INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY DISPATCHES FROM ROY KESEY, AN AMERICAN GUY MARRIED TO A PERUVIAN DIPLOMAT LIVING IN CHINA STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL