Timothy McSweeney's Header Image

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Now available for preorder:
The San Francisco Panorama
.

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THE SLOW
AND PAINFUL
COLLAPSE OF A
RELATIONSHIP
OVER THE COURSE OF
A WEEKLONG VACATION
AS EXPRESSED BY THE
NAMES EACH PARTNER
GAVE THEIR DIGITAL
PHOTOS TAKEN DURING
SAID VACATION.

BY MATT HULTEN

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Monday

Matt.jpg

Carrie.jpg

IloveMatt.jpg

IloveCarrietoo.jpg

Squirrel.jpg

DidMattjustwasteapictureonastupidsquirrel.jpg

IthinkCarrieisangrythatItookapictureofasquirrel.jpg

MattissnappingpicturesofverminwhenImsittinghere
wearingthemostadorablenewskirt.jpg

Carriewillnotletthesquirrelthinggo.jpg


Tuesday

ImreallyhopingtodaywithCarriewillbebetterthan
yesterday.jpg

MaybeIoverreactedandIshouldnthaveyelledatMattfor
thesquirrelthing. jpg

IreallydontlikedancingbutifitwillmakeCarriehappy
Illmakeaneffort.jpg

HeresMattpretendinghesprainedhisanklesohedoesnthave
totakemedancing.jpg

WeareinthefreakingBahamasandallMattwantstodoischeck
hisfantasyfootballscores.jpg


Wednesday

IfIcanjustmakeitthroughtodaywithoutfightingwith
CarrieIthinkwecansalvagethistrip.jpg

MeintheoutfitMattsaidmademelooklikemymother.jpg

IdontknowwhatIwasthinkingwhenItoldCarriethatshe
lookedlikehermother.jpg

IfCarriedoesntshutthehellupaboutgoingdancingIm
goingtokillmyself.jpg

MattsayshesgoingtothehotelbarbutIknowhesreally
goingtoastripclub.jpg

CouldCarriesbathingsuitbeanysmaller.jpg


Thursday

OnlyfourmoredayswithMattandthenIcangohome.jpg

WhydidntIjustgotoVegaswithmyfriendsinsteadofcoming
tothishellholewithCarrie.jpg

ImstartingtoforgetwhatIeversawinMatttobeginwith.jpg

Mattisapparentlycontentspendinghisdaysdoingnothing
butgettingdrunk.jpg

ImprettysurethatguyjustgrabbedCarriesass.jpg

IfIseeMatthitononemorenineteenyearoldImgoingtovomit.jpg

Carrieisopenlyflirtingwitheverythingontwolegsrightinfront
ofme.jpg


Friday

IdistinctlyrememberCarriesayingthistripwouldbegood
forourrelationshipbutIdontrecallhertellingmeitwouldbe
theworstweekofmyentirelife.jpg

MattisdrunkagainandIthinkhemightverywellhaveaserious
drinkingproblemthathesbeenhidingfromme.jpg

SomeoneshouldtellCarriethatwhenshedoesbodyshotsoff
aguytenyearsyoungerthanherselfitsnotcuteitspathetic.jpg


Saturday

HeresCarrieandthebastardshesprobablydoing
behindmyback.jpg

ThecouchisgoodenoughforMattandifhethinkshessleeping
withmehesoutofhisdamnmind.jpg

Iveseenhomelessmenwearingnicerclothesthanwhat
Matthasonrightnow.jpg

Carrieisprovingherselftobeevenmoreofashamelesswhore
thanIoriginallythoughtwaspossible.jpg

Judgingbythewayhehashandledhimselfonthistripitsnowonder
Mattcantholddownasteadyjob.jpg

Carrieiswearinganotheroutfitevenaprostitutewouldbe
embarrassedtobeseenin.jpg


Sunday

IhopeIvemadethisweekasmiserableforCarrie
asshehasforme.jpg

IthinkweshouldseeotherpeopleMatt.jpg

ThatsfinebymeCarrieIllsendyouabillforyour
halfofthetrip.jpg

YoucangotohellMattyoucangostraighttohell.jpg

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OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:

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The Slow and Painful Collapse of a Relationship Over the Course of a Weeklong Vacation as Expressed by the Names Each Partner Gave Their Digital Photos Taken During Said Vacation By Matt Hulten
My Memoirs of My Geisha By Rick Stoeckel
A Seminar for Nightclub Bouncers, as Conducted by a Big, Menacing Former Doorman Who Abhors Violence By Amir Farhang and Omid Farhang
Why Can't I Be as Smart as You? By Kyle Killen
Sample Emoticons for e-Kicking Someone in the e-Balls By Barbara DeCesare

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Memories of Amanda Davis




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Black dot denotes newish content.

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LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S

LISTS

McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS

REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD

NEW WHOLPHIN FILM

DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST

TEDDY WAYNE'S UNPOPULAR PROVERBS

NON-ESSENTIAL MNEMONICS

BITCHSLAP: A COLUMN ABOUT WOMEN AND FIGHTING

DISPATCHES FROM A GUY TRYING UNSUCCESSFULLY
TO SELL A SONG IN NASHVILLE


GLOBAL WAR ON BEDBUGS: LETTERS FROM BEDBUG CITY

THE CONFLICTED EXISTENCE OF A FEMALE PORN WRITER

OH MY GAWD: A COLUMN ABOUT A TEENAGER NAVIGATING RELIGION

DISPATCHES FROM MANILA

DISPATCHES FROM AN INDIAN CASINO

THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST

CHRIS WHITE ANSWERS PROFOUND
QUESTIONS ABOUT THE PRESIDENTS


REPORTS FROM THE PINBALL SCENE

LETTERS FROM THE HELLBOX

NOTES FROM AN AMATEUR SPECTATOR
AT AMATEUR MIXED MARTIAL ARTS FIGHTS


B.R. COHEN'S DAYS AT THE MUSEUM

CONVERSATIONS AT A WARTIME CAFÉ

AND HERE'S THE KICKER:
MIKE SACKS'S CONVERSATIONS WITH HUMOR WRITERS


GRANT MUNROE'S CORPORATE FOLKTALES

SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW

DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER
WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE


DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT

DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL

DISPATCHES FROM INDIA

THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL

SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL

SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES

KIDS' LETTERS TO PRESIDENT OBAMA

STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE

YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN

KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE

ABOUT THE WILD THINGS

ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT

ABOUT FEVER CHART

ABOUT GOD SAYS NO

ABOUT ZEITOUN

LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL
TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY


E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT
FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM


TRAVELING EUROPE IN STYLE WITH AUCKLAND DINGIROO,
DARK-AGE TOURIST AND CRITIC OF FOOD AND DRINK


JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES

INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS

FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING

OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND

DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN

MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY

DAN KENNEDY SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS WITH PAPER

STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT

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ADDITIONAL MATERIAL