Public Service
Announcement
Revised.
- - - -
Yesterday my friends told me to smoke some weed, and I did. Then, today, they said I should outrun Tic Tic, the lumberyard dog. I was, like, totally baked again with my friends when they said it and I just started rolling on the floor laughing my ass off over that name for some reason. Tic Tic. And then my friends started laughing. We were busting up so hard ... It was classic. We were totally baked and all of a sudden one of us would just be like, "Tic Tic!" and we'd all start bustin' up again.
Jason started saying it like a Chinese woman for some reason. He's all, "Teek Teek! Owrun Teek Teek! Do eet now, you stupeet American!" We were cracking up so goddamn hard we were crying and he just kept doing it. And then my friends told me to smoke some more weed. And I was like, "Right on, chief. Bring it." Steve waited till I was holding in this huge hit and he just goes, "Tic Tic!" and I started cracking up and choking on my hit. And I was like, "You dillweeds told me to outrun a lumberyard dog and that thing almost killed my ass! The whole time I was running I didn't think I could outrun him! Dude, it's a lumberyard dog!" And we all started laughing our asses off again. From then on, anytime someone said "lumberyard dog" we'd just start cracking up. Oh, man.
Anyway, pretty much, like, every day this week my friends have told me to smoke some weed. Basically, it's like this: wake up, go to school, wait for one of my friends to come up to me with some weed and basically tell me to smoke it. I'm an idiot. We're all idiots, really; me, Jason, Steve, Tim ... all of us. But whatever. I don't know, who else is there to hang out with at this school? The jocks? Right. But anyway, yeah, a dog named Tic Tic. How classic is that? It doesn't seem as weird if you hear it without having smoked some weed, but trust me ... if somebody says that to you when you're baked, you won't be able to keep it together. Our faces literally hurt from laughing. I should probably pitch in a few bucks at some point so they don't think I'm a total deadbeat. I gave Jason some gas money the other day at least, since he had to drive all the way out to this guy Todd's house in Durham to get more. But, yeah, I should probably buy the next bag or at least throw in half, because so far these guys have just been walking up to me every day going, "Dude, smoke this weed," and I've been like, "Cool," and they haven't even said anything about pitching in some dough.
- - - -
Dan Kennedy's
Other Features.
- - - -
OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:
- - - -
Public Service Announcement Revised By Dan Kennedy
Working the Kidneys By Jim Stallard
Parallels Between My Living Through Two Years of Middle School and the Two Terms of the Bush Presidency By Teddy Wayne
Let There Be Lite By Kevin Bolger
Further Excerpts From the Diary of an Aspiring Death-Metal Frontman By Jesse Singal
Red dot denotes content that is new today.
Black dot denotes newish content.