SIX INSPIRATIONAL
SAYINGS I'VE YET TO
FIND ON THE SIDE OF
A BOX OF TEA.
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1.
When life is seen to flow slowly, like a deep river content in its path, the journey is a certain pleasure. But, God damn it, life's not always a big party, now, is it? And there's something deeply wrong with your constant tendency to push love away from you so you can spend months on end in total isolation. Plain and simple, if you see an animal doing that in the wild, there's something wrong with that animal. Lighten up before you ruin
everything again. Enjoying a delicious cup of our green tea with lemongrass is a start, but I'm serious: deal with life and be a man.
2.
When birds migrate south to warmer climes, there is no uncertainty within the flock as to why they're undertaking the journey. But some people (ahem) start and stop a journey so many times they begin to make themselves and everyone around them feel weary and forsaken. Honestly, we're talking about day-to-day goddamn life. It's a gift, by the way, genius. And it starts with a cup of our warm English Breakfast blend. So have a cup, but I swear to Christ above, just relax for 10 seconds about love and death and the rest of what you go crazy with. Maybe you're right; maybe you've lived in New York too long.
3.
Ah, back to Montana for another week of what? Clarity? Is that what this is supposed
to be about? Do you honestly think this system of yours is working? Every time life deals you a fair-to-middling result or a hard-to-face reality, you just run off to Montana or Colorado? And to do what? Mainly, to sit and drink tea and listen to mostly forgotten alternative rock music and some bluegrass on the satellite radio? This counts as facing life and making the decisions we all have to make? Impressive that you've got the routine so well oiled as to pick up a box of our Earl Grey tea at the organic co-op in Bozeman after you get off the plane. But seriously, haven't you had enough of this, this living like a
neurotic, passive-aggressive glory fiend? Tommy Stinson was right when he said it's not too much to live up to.
4.
Boo! Ha ha, look at you! That's all it takes, isn't it?
5.
When a warrior is called to battle, his mood is somber. When he is hailed in victory, his mood is somber. Hello? I'm kidding. He's anything but somber, isn't he? That's the point, really ... feel something. Feel something instead of the running toward numbness.
The numb, stoic, and terrified are constantly misread as quietly confident. So is the warrior, though. Yet he's alive with feeling, whether it's fear of impending battle or
gratitude for his victory. Is any of this sinking in? OK, enjoy this cup of our Herbal Hibiscus Citrus Delight, but when you're finished sipping it, start living, for crying out loud.
6.
She was right this time. Again.
- - - -
Dan Kennedy's
Other Features.
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OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:
- - - -
Six Inspirational Sayings I've Yet to Find on the Side of a Box of Tea By Dan Kennedy
When You Are the Fourth Consecutive Person to Ask for Money on the Subway, You Have to Bring It By Michael Patrick Signorelli
Public Service Announcement Paid for by the People for Electing Criss Angel, Mindfreak, in 2008's Presidential Election By Matt Christoph
My Helpful Tips for Fighting and Winning the War on Easter By J. Chris Rock
Page Six by Jared Paul Stern By Ben Greenman
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