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Now available for preorder:
The San Francisco Panorama.

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SPAM FINALLY TAPS INTO MALE DESIRES. BY ERIC SILVER - - - - From: Susiexoxo Subject: Hey there! Heysexyhow's it going? I'm looking to HAVEFUN with you right now. Let's go plug in that PLAYstation and do a season on Madden '06! I've been practicing ALL NIGHT, and I'm going to beat your ASS! Msg me back for some hot fun. - - - - From: Lollypoplover Subject: I've got something for you ... Oh, look what I've done to my pretty new dress! It looks like that nacho platter I was making spilled all over my lap. If only someone could lick this hot Monterey Jack off of me ... or you can use one of the chips. Yeah, right there is perfect. Why don't you come to my site and see what I've got waiting in the oven for you?? I'll give you a hint ... it's got Buffalo sauce! - - - - From: Xhibitionist Subject: It's been a long time Are you all by yourself tonight baby? I just bought a new webcam, and it's all set up and ready to go. Click here if you want to watch the Mets game tonight, or if you like, I've still got March Madness on my TiVo. Is my head in the way baby? I'll move it. Last words that cum out of my mouth, I promise. - - - - From: Lucy Clothesless Subject: What's up? I'm looking for a hot man in my life. But realistically, I think my personality meshes better with someone more average, so I can be the really attractive one in the relationship. You know, someone who's really good at Frolf and boasts an encyclopedic knowledge of Arnold Schwarzenegger movie quotes. Are you that someone? Click here to meet me. - - - - From: Boredhousewife Subject: Plans for tonight? I'm sitting all by myself at home, and I'm sooooo bored. I was thinking about inviting some of my friends over for some *fun*. You'll be playing poker with your friends tonight, right? OK, we'll probably just watch Grey's Anatomy and go to sleep early. Have fun! - - - - OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES: - - - - Spam Finally Taps Into Male Desires By Eric Silver The 4-Year-Old Enters Anger Management By Ross Murray Ryan Seacrest Breaks Bad News By Sarah Schmelling Utopian Endings for Reality Shows By Kate Hahn Why There Aren't Many Right-Wing Observational Comedians By Teddy Wayne

- - - - MAIN PAGE | ARCHIVES Memories of Amanda Davis Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE THE BEST AMERICAN NONREQUIRED READING McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST BOOKSTORES WITH A McSWEENEY'S DISPLAY McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD NEW WHOLPHIN FILM DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST TEDDY WAYNE'S UNPOPULAR PROVERBS NON-ESSENTIAL MNEMONICS BITCHSLAP: A COLUMN ABOUT WOMEN AND FIGHTING DISPATCHES FROM A GUY TRYING UNSUCCESSFULLY TO SELL A SONG IN NASHVILLE GLOBAL WAR ON BEDBUGS: LETTERS FROM BEDBUG CITY THE CONFLICTED EXISTENCE OF A FEMALE PORN WRITER OH MY GAWD: A COLUMN ABOUT A TEENAGER NAVIGATING RELIGION DISPATCHES FROM MANILA DISPATCHES FROM AN INDIAN CASINO THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST CHRIS WHITE ANSWERS PROFOUND QUESTIONS ABOUT THE PRESIDENTS REPORTS FROM THE PINBALL SCENE LETTERS FROM THE HELLBOX NOTES FROM AN AMATEUR SPECTATOR AT AMATEUR MIXED MARTIAL ARTS FIGHTS B.R. COHEN'S DAYS AT THE MUSEUM CONVERSATIONS AT A WARTIME CAFÉ AND HERE'S THE KICKER: MIKE SACKS'S CONVERSATIONS WITH HUMOR WRITERS GRANT MUNROE'S CORPORATE FOLKTALES SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL DISPATCHES FROM INDIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES KIDS' LETTERS TO PRESIDENT OBAMA STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE ABOUT THE WILD THINGS ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT ABOUT FEVER CHART ABOUT GOD SAYS NO ABOUT ZEITOUN LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM TRAVELING EUROPE IN STYLE WITH AUCKLAND DINGIROO, DARK-AGE TOURIST AND CRITIC OF FOOD AND DRINK JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY DAN KENNEDY SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS WITH PAPER STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL