SNICKET STARTED.
YOU FINISHED.
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As some of you may remember, we asked the readers of Noisy Outlaws, Unfriendly Blobs to send us their endings to the story that Lemony Snicket began on that book's dust jacket. We'd like to thank everyone who wrote in—the response was overwhelming, with literally thousands of entries, and the choices were tough to make. But today, at last, we're pleased to announce the winners, and to present our favorite entry.
The Grand-Prize Winner
Jordan Pascual, of Cedar Falls, Iowa. Jordan's story appears below.
The 10 First-Prize Winners
Foster Bousquet, Flagstaff, AZ
Mark Bun, Seattle, WA
Hannah Pinnt, Omaha, NE
Farris Gillmann, Flagstaff, AZ
Emily Cote, New York, NY
Stephanie Fratus, South Dennis, MA
Melanie Raney, Flagstaff, AZ
A.J. Jackson, Dayton, OH
Emily Browning, Orange, CA
Savannah Garthe, Ferndale, MI
Alexander Young, South Dennis, MA
The Teacher's Prize
Ms. Kelly, of Flagstaff, AZ
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Jordan Pascual's
Winning Entry.
- - - -
It was February, and five children, all of whom were more or less healthy, were sitting on the ground in a lazy circle. It was quite dark, and the children had to squint to see one another's frowning faces.
"I wish we were ice skating," said Robin.
"I wish we were eating Mexican food," said Apu.
"I wish we were wearing boots," said Alistair.
"I wish we were playing percussion instruments," said Lillian.
Miranda sighed. She was the youngest of the five children, but nevertheless she was often the leader of the group. She tried not to be bossy about it, but it is difficult not to be bossy from time to time. "We can't do any of those things," she said. "We're not at a skating rink, and we don't have any skates. We're not in Mexico, and there's not an enchilada in sight. We're not wearing boots, and there's not a department store for miles around. And we're not playing percussion instruments, because it wouldn't be wise to make so much noise. After all, we're in a puzzling and possibly dangerous situation. I know it's difficult to believe, but we may have to face the fact that we're on our own."
"But how can that be?" Robin asked. "Just a few hours ago we were on a picnic with Madame Blatavsky, when all of a sudden the mysterious man just came and asked about us and our lives were SHATTERED.
"He just shot Madame Blatavsky and took our quesadillas," said Apu.
"And my harmonica," said Lillian.
"And my skates," said Robin.
"And my boots," said Alistair.
"It is unbelievable," said Miranda. "But it's true."
"We are in so much danger. That MAN with that 38-caliber pistol knows us. He is such a dirty scoundrel," said Lillian. "I can't believe he stole my harmonica."
"I can believe he stole my—" Apu was interrupted by a sharp comment from Miranda.
"Stop it!" she said very snappily. "Do I have to explain to a 14-, 11-, 10-, and 9-year-old about how to keep focus?!"
"Sorry, Boss," Apu muttered.
"What did you say!" Miranda started rising up. While the kids arose from their positions and starting fighting once again something was lurking in the fog.
Something very dark and mysterious.
- - - -
You have now finished part ONE of this story. Now you have choices. Six, in fact:
The Happy Ending,
The Sad Ending,
The Tedious Ending,
The Snicket Ending,
The Dreaded Ending, which I suggest you NOT read,
or The Jordan Ending.
NOW CHOOSE.
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OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:
- - - -
Snicket Started. You Finished
The Elements of Subway-Announcement Style By Ken Krimstein
Out of Office AutoReply By Jim Stallard
Still Kicking: The Very Authorized Biography of Steven Seagal, Volume II, Pgs. 567–568 By Jared Bloom
Softening the Saddle While Hardening the Earth By Dr. Lawyer IndianChief
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