PLAYGROUND RHYMES
FOR THE REAL WORLD.
- - - -
Bubblegum, bubblegum, in a dish.
You thought Daddy was still rich,
But I gambled on bad stocks.
Now I drink and punch the clocks.
1-2-3-400-Gs-are-gone,
And
You
Are
Not
Going-to-college.
- - - -
Engine, Engine No. 9
Gets you to your job just fine.
Can't get off the PR track.
Ever dream you'd be a flack?
Y-E-S Man is your role,
And
You
Are
Not
Writing-that-novel.
- - - -
One potato, two potato, three potato, four.
You'll rue the day you joined the Peace Corps.
Two years in Zambia lonely and depressed.
The coed that you did it for won't even be impressed.
Why
Don't
You
Ever
Think-things-through?
- - - -
Eenie, meenie, minie, moe.
Pinot Noir or Merlot?
Cultivate your taste in vain;
It won't obscure your marriage strain.
Her-mother-told-her-to-pick-the-very-best-lawyer
And
You
Are
Not
Getting-the-house.
- - - -
Jim Stallard's
Other Features.
- - - -
OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:
- - - -
Playground Rhymes for the Real World By Jim Stallard
Eight New Entries in The 2007 Writer's Market Guide to Literary Journals By Scott Cunningham
Our Twentieth Issue
Future Garfield Strips, If Garfield Aged at the Normal Feline Rate (Based on Real-Life Experiences With a Twentysomething Cat) By Andrew and Edward Kirkpatrick
We Must Never Forget Whatever Happened Here Today By John Howell Harris
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