Perfect for Mother's Day: the Baby Be of Use series or The Secret Language of Sleep. - - - -

LINKEDIN INVITATION E-MAIL COPY REVISED. BY DAN KENNEDY - - - - Since you are a person I trust will help me out of a little jam I seem to have gotten myself into, I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn. - - - - Since you are a person who would obviously agree that, when we were flying to the Midwest for the trade show, I had an adverse reaction to a completely legal herbal relaxation tincture and my situation onboard the flight was unfairly categorized as air rage and disorderly conduct, I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn. - - - - Since you are a person I can rely on in the coming weeks or months, no matter how weird things get—I'm thinking mostly of some fallout from the Holiday Inn incident, in which my foolish prank resulted in a fire in the trash can in the lobby, and, I might add, a complete overreaction from the hotel staff and the Minneapolis firefighters—I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn. - - - - Since you are a person I can honestly say I feel could keep a secret with regard to the sales conference in Miami, and who I think will back me up in the face of any resulting problems in my personal relationships and home life, I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn. - - - - Since you are a person who I imagine has heard what's going on with me after Miami, and with whom I imagine I'll be able to stay while this whole situation with my girlfriend is getting sorted out, I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn. - - - - Since you are a person who I'm hoping will be compassionate and understanding of the fact that my job is now apparently totally gone and I'm under some pretty heavy legal crap with them to boot, I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn. - - - - Since you are a person who would be completely correct if you said that my gambling problem is the least of my worries at this point, I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn. - - - - Since you are a person who has blocked my iChat instant messages and is apparently acting like you can't receive e-mail from me, I'd like to say that I've forgotten completely about adding you to my professional network on LinkedIn. - - - - I would, however, appreciate it if you would use the site to introduce me to the creative director at Pellson and Partners, who is one of the contacts on your profile. I really should be trying to find work—free time is just a disaster for me; not that employment didn't come with its share of headaches, I guess. Also, I'd appreciate it if you could recommend my work with the LinkedIn recommendation function. Since you're a person I trust, I would like to thank you in advance. - - - - Dan Kennedy's Other Features. - - - - OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES: - - - - LinkedIn Invitation E-mail Copy Revised By Dan Kennedy So, You Just Found Daddy's Meth Lab By Daveo Mathias A Routine Traffic Stop Can Change Everything in an Instant By Jim Stallard How Someone With an American Public-School Education Who Didn't Really Pay Much Attention in Class but Learned Just Enough to Pass Exams Imagines the First Thanksgiving By Matt Passet Other Ways the Terrorists Win By Justin Paul Villegas

- - - - MAIN PAGE   |   ARCHIVES   Memories of Amanda Davis   Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S PREDICTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS NEW WHOLPHIN FILM DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST JOKES BY BRIAN BEATTY REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD DISPATCHES FROM MOSCOW SO YOU WANT TO BE PRESIDENT? DISPATCHES FROM THE ANACOSTIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELEBRITY MUSICALS DISPATCHES FROM A HUMANITARIAN JOURNALIST DISPATCHES FROM IRAQ SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES PHILIP GRAHAM SPENDS A YEAR IN LISBON STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE DISPATCHES FROM THE NAPOLEONIC WARS AT THE MET KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST ABOUT WHAT IS THE WHAT ABOUT BOWL OF CHERRIES ABOUT COMEDY BY THE NUMBERS ABOUT JOHN BRANDON'S ARKANSAS LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY DISPATCHES FROM THE NBA ENTERTAINMENT LEAGUE JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES B.R. COHEN'S ANNALS OF SCIENCE INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY DISPATCHES FROM ROY KESEY, AN AMERICAN GUY MARRIED TO A PERUVIAN DIPLOMAT LIVING IN CHINA STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL