The annual Believer Visual Issue is here. Inside its pages, Norwegian "seed vault" artist Dyveke Sanne discusses her work, Sheila Heti talks with Frank Stella, and Lawrence Weschler revisits Hockney and Irwin. Also included: an 800-square-inch poster by Robyn O'Neil. - - - -

THE BIRTHDAY PARTY LOG OF NED, BORN ON FEBRUARY 29. BY BRIAN SUTORIUS - - - - 1 Year Old The theme of the party is dancing around to Sesame Street cassettes. None of my guests even go so far as to stand up; most opt to nap the whole time. One vomits on his mother. I hope it was not the result of an undercooked cake. 2 Years Old Hire a Power Ranger to facilitate the proceedings. Guests instead clamor for SpongeBob SquarePants. The G.I. Joe party favors are nearly swallowed, yet the cake is thrown on the ground when guests are told it is time to go home. 8 Years Old Notable fact: I am at least twice as big as any of my guests this year. Also, I am the only one who is married. 17 Years Old Went and saw my first R-rated movie, as is the custom for all 17-year-olds. My friends were laughing at the antics of Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson, but the dialogue was too fast-paced for me. The preview for Clint Eastwood's film looked interesting. 18 Years Old So many freedoms! Registered to vote; will only actually do so if the home provides a ride come November. Purchased one cigar; will display on bureau for years to come. Bought pornography with high-school buddies; later thrown away due to impotence. 21 Years Old Am told the tradition involves imbibing 21 drinks of my choice. Opt instead for a glass of gin and the blue-light special. In bed by 7 p.m. 25 Years Old Upon waking up, notice that my face looks as if I had just stepped out of a wind tunnel. Disappointed that all my peers have such tight skin. When I step into the living room, everyone applauds my arrival, as if it were a huge accomplishment. This makes me feel better. 26 Years Old Hearing my grandchildren shout "Surprise!" leads to fatal heart attack. - - - - OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES: - - - - The Birthday Party Log of Ned, Born on February 29 By Brian Sutorius Pretending to Be Her Daughter, Mrs. Epstein E-mails 5-Year-Old Katie Schuster About a Play Date By G.F. Snell The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust's Personal Assistant By Rob McFeeley The Office: A Spec Script by David Mamet By Julia Ward Whale of Mass Destruction—Richard B. Cheney, Adjunct Professor in the Humanities, Presents: The Annual Symbolism in Melville Lecture By Blair Becker

- - - - MAIN PAGE   |   ARCHIVES   Memories of Amanda Davis   Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE THE BEST AMERICAN NONREQUIRED READING McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S PREDICTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS NEW WHOLPHIN FILM DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST JOKES BY BRIAN BEATTY REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD DISPATCHES FROM MANILA DISPATCHES FROM MOSCOW SO YOU WANT TO BE PRESIDENT? DISPATCHES FROM THE ANACOSTIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL BEN GREENMAN'S FAKE CELEBRITY MUSICALS DISPATCHES FROM A HUMANITARIAN JOURNALIST DEB OLIN UNFERTH'S SICK OF THE REVOLUTION DISPATCHES FROM IRAQ SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES PHILIP GRAHAM SPENDS A YEAR IN LISBON STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE DISPATCHES FROM THE NAPOLEONIC WARS AT THE MET KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE SONGS OF ENEMIES AND DESERTS: LIVING WITH THE SUDAN LIBERATION ARMY LAWRENCE WESCHLER'S EVERYTHING THAT RISES: A BOOK OF CONVERGENCES THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST ABOUT WHAT IS THE WHAT ABOUT BOWL OF CHERRIES ABOUT COMEDY BY THE NUMBERS ABOUT JOHN BRANDON'S ARKANSAS ABOUT MICHAEL CHABON'S MAPS AND LEGENDS ABOUT UNDERGROUND AMERICA ABOUT DEB OLIN UNFERTH'S VACATION LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY DISPATCHES FROM ADJUNCT FACULTY AT A LARGE STATE UNIVERSITY ADVICE FROM A PERSON WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY DISPATCHES FROM THE NBA ENTERTAINMENT LEAGUE JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES B.R. COHEN'S ANNALS OF SCIENCE INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY DISPATCHES FROM ROY KESEY, AN AMERICAN GUY MARRIED TO A PERUVIAN DIPLOMAT LIVING IN CHINA DAN KENNEDY SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS WITH PAPER STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL