SONG FOR
RANDY NEWMAN,
TO BE SUNG BY
RANDY NEWMAN.
- - - -
Funny man writes the funny songs,
happy songs, too, but something's wrong:
sometimes he sings the sad songs.
"Hey, man, what's your problem?"
I remember when I first heard you,
you were singing about the bomb.
It was all a lie but it seemed true.
Funny lie you sang about the bomb.
It was my dad's record,
I first heard your songs.
I bet you'd like that, huh?
Fathers and sons. (Nothing wrong with that.)
Now play the piano, buddy.
You play it pretty good.
Gonna play so you sound happy;
not gonna play about feeling sad.
(Unless you want to.)
Gonna play a solo now.
Gonna play a pretty good piano solo.
Everybody listen.
- - - -
Man, remember that song about Germany?
Or the one about the seagull in Baltimore?
(Those got me.)
Or the one about that crazy dream you had,
that was a good one.
(They were all good.)
Gonna smile now but my eyes are sad.
All these foolish people around us—
don't want to cry in front of them.
But they're all right, they're still people
even though they're dumb.
Gonna love them forever
because we're just like them.
All right, Randy,
that's enough now.
This song's done.
This song's done.
- - - -
OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:
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Six Steps to Total Relaxation in the Workplace By Renee Prince
My Rejected Design Theme for J.Crew's Summer Catalog By Jamie Allen
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The Personal Journal of Zan, the Male Half of the Wonder Twins By Sean Hewlett
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