FINALLY,
YOU DON'T NEED
TO BE FUNNY
TO BE FUNNY.
- - - -
Comedy is hard. Creativity is even harder—and a waste of time, we say. Anything worth learning can be learned via simple formulas and the memorization of data. Thus, we are proud to present Comedy by the Numbers, a vital new manual by Eric Hoffman and Gary Rudoren. This biblette makes the secrets of comedy accessible to those who might not have the ability or talent to be funny. Hey, maybe that's you!
All the wisdom within is numbered and alphabetized for easy reference. One no longer need worry about originality—just find the right comedy number and apply as needed to your situation. Before you know it, you'll be on your way from dud to dude.
Pretty soon you'll be hearing, "Nice No. 9, [your name]!"
To herald the beginning of Comedy by the Numbers Week, and the dawning of a new era of laffs for all, we hereby present the Comedy by the Numbers numbers.
1.
ANIMALS DOING THINGS HUMANS DO
2.
ANTI-AUTHORITARIANISM
3.
ANTI-COMEDY
4.
AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION
5.
BARBS, RETORTS, COMEBACKS,
SASSINESS, ZINGERS & CAPPERS
6.
BEING ON
7.
BIG WORDS / MADE-UP WORDS
8.
BLIND DATES
9.
BOOGERS AND BONERS
10.
BRAVADO / SNOBBERY
11.
BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL
12.
BRITISH HUMOUR
13.
CAN'T GET TO SLEEP
14.
CATCH PHRASES
15.
CELEBRITY ROAST
16.
CLOWNS
17.
COMIC STRIPS / GAG CARTOONS
18.
CONDUCTING AN ORCHESTRA
19.
CONTACT WITH SOMETHING THAT ISN'T DRY
20.
CONTACT WITH SOMETHING
THAT IS VERY HOT
21.
CRAZY DANCES
22.
CRINGE COMEDY
23.
CROSS EYES
24.
CURSING
25.
DEATH / DYING
26.
DEATH PORTRAYED AS AN ENTITY
27.
DICK JOKE
28.
DIFFICULTY WITH NUMBERS
29.
DOCTORED PHOTOS / PRINT
30.
DOUBLE ENTENDRE
31.
DOUBLE TALK / GIBBERISH
32.
DRAMATIC ACTING STYLES
33.
DRESS BLOWN OVER HEAD
34.
DRUGGIE HUMOR
35.
DUMMIES
36.
DWARFS, MIDGETS, AND THE LIKE
37.
EATING LIKE A PIG
38.
ELABORATE DISGUISES
39.
ENTRANCES / EXITS
40.
EXCESSIVE VOMITING, BLEEDING, CRYING,
LAUGHING, SPITTING, BURPING, FARTING
41.
EXCUSES
42.
EXERCISING
43.
EXTENDED DIRECTIONS
AND / OR EXPLANATIONS
44.
FACIAL EXPRESSIONS
45.
FAKE VOMIT, SHIT, URINE, BLOOD, ETC.
46.
FART NOISE
47.
FOREIGNERS / ETHNICS
48.
FUNNY COMPLAINT LETTERS
49.
FUNNY EYEWEAR / FAKE TEETH /
PHONY WARTS
50.
FUNNY NAMES
51.
FUNNY PERSON
PLAYING A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT
52.
FUNNY SLANG
53.
GOSSIP
54.
GROUP OF PEOPLE
ENTERING / EXITING AN AREA
THAT COULDN'T LOGICALLY HOLD THEM
55.
HIDING IN A COSTUME SHOP
56.
HIPPIES
57.
HUMOR FUNNY TO GAYS
58.
ILLNESSES, AFFLICTIONS, MALADIES
59.
IMPOSSIBLE DISTANCES IN SHORT TIME
60.
IMPROVISATION / IMPROV / IMPRO
61.
INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR
62.
IRONY
63.
JEWS & THEIR IDIOSYNCRASIES
64.
KIDS DOING THINGS GROWNUPS DO
65.
KILLING A PERSON
66.
KILLING A LOT OF PEOPLE
67.
MAGIC
68.
MAKING FUN OF SOMEONE ELSE'S FLAWS
69.
MEDICATIONS AND THEIR SIDE EFFECTS
70.
MENSTRUATION
71.
MICKEY ROONEY
72.
MICROPHONE BITS
73.
MILITARY HI-JINX
74.
MIMES / PANTOMIME
75.
MIRROR ROUTINE
76.
MISPRONUNCIATION OF WORDS
77.
MISSING TEETH / GAP TOOTH
78.
MISSPELLING IMPORTANT INFORMATION
79.
MISTAKEN IDENTITY
80.
MR. CLUMSY
81.
MR. KNOW-IT-ALL
82.
MOVIE SPOOFS
83.
MUSICAL SPOOFS
84.
NOT FUNNY AFTER REHAB
85.
NON SEQUITURS
86.
NOVELTY ITEMS
87.
NOVELTY RECORDS
88.
OBJECT WORK
89.
OLD SCHOOL
90.
ONE MAN SHOW
91.
ONE-UPSMANSHIP
92.
ONE-DOWNSMANSHIP
93.
OY VAY HUMOR
94.
PAIN / REACTION TO PAIN
95.
PATHOS
a.k.a. CHAPLIN SYNDROME
a.k.a. THE THIRD MASK
96.
PEE PEE JOKE
97.
PEOPLE WHO SPEAK OUR LANGUAGE
98.
PEOPLE WHO DON'T SPEAK OUR LANGUAGE
99.
PERSONAL THEME SONG
100.
PHYSICAL COMEDY / SHTICK
101.
PIE IN THE FACE
102.
PLAYING DRUNK
103.
PLAYING MULTIPLE CHARACTERS
104.
POLITICAL JOKES
105.
POO POO JOKE
106.
PORTRAYING AN ANIMAL
107.
PORTRAYING A DIFFERENT SEX
108.
PROP COMEDY
109.
PUPPETS
110.
RACIAL HUMOR
111.
REFERENCING A SITCOM CHARACTER
112.
RELIGION
113.
RETARDS / MENTALLY CHALLENGED
114.
ROMANTIC COMEDY
115.
RUBBER LEGS / LIMBS
116.
SARCASM
117.
SCARE COMEDY
118.
SCHOOLYARD LAFFS & TAUNTS
119.
SELF-DEPRECATION
120.
SEX JOKE TELLING
121.
SKETCHES / SKITS
122.
SLAPPING
123.
SLOW-MOTION FIGHTING
124.
SOMEONE WHERE THEY DON'T WANT TO BE
125.
SOMEONE WHERE THEY SHOULDN'T BE
126.
SONG PARODY
127.
SOUND EFFECTS
128.
SOUND OF RECORD SCRATCHING TO A HALT
129.
SPORTS HUMOR
130.
SUBTLETY / UNDERSTATEMENT
131.
SUPERHEROES / CARTOON CHARACTERS
132.
SWITCHEROO
133.
THE BEAT
134.
THE BLACKOUT
135.
THE CALLBACK
136.
THE CLERGY
137.
THE DELAYED REACTION
138.
THE DEVIL / HELL
139.
THE ELDERLY AND THEIR FOIBLES
140.
THE FOIL
141.
THE NICKNAME
142.
THE PAUSE
143.
THE TAKE
144.
THE DOUBLE TAKE
145.
THE TRIPLE TAKE
146.
THE QUAD TAKE
147.
THE UNLIMITED TAKE
148.
THE SPIT TAKE
149.
THE RULE OF THREES
150.
THE RULE OF FOURS
151.
THE RULE OF SEVENS
152.
THE RUNNER
153.
THE SLOW BURN
154.
THE SLOW FADE
155.
TRANSPORTATION / VEHICLES
156.
TRAVELING BITS / SCENARIO
157.
TWO OR MORE PEOPLE
TRYING TO GET THROUGH A DOOR
AT THE SAME TIME
158.
UGLY PEOPLE
159.
UNDERWEAR
160.
UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY
161.
VENTRILOQUISM
162.
VERBAL ABUSE / SHOUTING
163.
VOICE-OVER SOMETHING THAT CAN'T TALK
164.
VOODOO
165.
WEDDINGS
166.
WHITE TRASH
167.
"WHO'S ON DECK?"
168.
WIGS
169.
WOMEN (WOMYN variant)
- - - -
OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:
- - - -
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