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Millard Kaufman's final novel has arrived!
Pick up Misadventure now—or, see what
you've missed out on thus far by picking up
both Bowl of Cherries and Misadventure
for 27% off the retail price.

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THE SEVERELY ALLERGIC
RESTAURANT CRITIC.

BY FLIP JAEGER

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Eastern Mediterranean fare is hot and few are doing it better, or more creatively, than Santorini's. At this airy new restaurant, everyday ingredients mingle with the more worldly: Meyer lemons jazz up a Tunisian carrot purée, while goat cheese greets sumac, onions, and tzatziki. I'm sure these would all be great dishes if dairy, root vegetables, and citrus were not allergens to me. The kitchen is both eclectic and innovative, so if you're seeking the usual suspects of hummus and spanakopita, you may be disappointed. You may also be disappointed if eating "food," as most people define it, causes a violent reaction of sweating, hives, and blurry vision.

Judging by the satisfied looks of the other patrons, everything was delicious or "to die for"—or "sooooo good," as my dining companion said over and over. The group at the table next to ours delighted in encountering unusual appetizers, like arnipita, crispy dough stuffed with lamb, feta, and mint. The glass of water (no ice; I'm allergic) I used to wash down a steady stream of Claritin seemed to pale in comparison.

Santorini's pleases loyal locals and out-of-towners alike, going out of their way to accommodate special requests. A pomegranate-and-lime sorbet that's not on the menu for the couple on their anniversary dinner? No problem! But Santorini's was less successful accommodating patrons seeking to substitute food items on the menu with nonfood items.

You won't break the budget—especially if you order nothing—and moderate prices leave room for a bottle of 1994 Château Musar, one of several unusual wines that I'm told pair well with this cuisine.

Because reds, unlike whites, only cause uncontrollable facial tics and my eyes to swell shut, I went for it. The good news is that this charming find is four blocks from St. Elizabeth's Hospital, where the emergency-room nurses and physicians were as charming and attentive as Stefano, Irene, and the entire wait staff at Santorini's.

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OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:

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The Severely Allergic Restaurant Critic By Flip Jaeger
In the Year 2030, the Young Hotshot at My Office Tries to Walk Me Through "Centaur," Apple's New Mind-Orb-Based Operating System By Matthew DuVerne Hutchinson
Now Would Be a Good Time
Finally, You Don't Need to Be Funny to Be Funny
Welcome to JDate: Creating Your Profile By Eric Silver

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