- - - -
Just in time for Valentine's Day,
the Guardian in London has
reviewed and raved about
The Secret Language of Sleep.
And, for the rest of the week,
you can buy it for $5!
- - - -
CARNAC THE JADED.BY CHRIS SARTINSKY- - - - CARNAC: The novel as an art form; God; our nation's idealism in the face of disaster abroad. ED McMAHON: The novel as an art form; God; our nation's idealism in the face of disaster abroad? (Carnac opens the envelope and pulls out the card.) CARNAC: Name three things that are dead forever. ED McMAHON: Yes. Absolutely. That is absolutely right, Carnac. - - - - CARNAC: Sizzle, hiss, "I have failed you, Satan." ED McMAHON: Sizzle, hiss, "I have failed you, Satan"? (Carnac opens the envelope and pulls out the card.) CARNAC: The sound a Congressman makes when he is splashed with holy water. ED McMAHON: Ha ha. That is so true. Subhuman filth, all of them. It makes me sick. - - - - CARNAC: The Jack Abramoff scandal, or a 72 at Augusta. ED McMAHON: The Jack Abramoff scandal, or a 72 at Augusta? (Carnac opens the envelope and pulls out the card.) CARNAC: Par for the course. ED McMAHON: Yes, Carnac. Our government is bought and sold by crooks, every day—could not agree more. - - - - CARNAC: The cries of an Iraqi child trapped beneath a pile of rubble; the sane voice of Richard Clarke in the Bush administration before 9/11; prayers to God. ED McMAHON: The cries of an Iraqi child trapped beneath a pile of rubble; the sane voice of Richard Clarke in the Bush administration before 9/11; prayers to God? (Carnac opens the envelope and pulls out the card.) CARNAC: Name three things that go unheard. ED McMAHON: Right on, Carnac. Right on. We are alone in the universe, absolutely. - - - - CARNAC: ... Nothing. I've got—I'm getting nothing. ED McMAHON: What do you mean? CARNAC: I mean, I'm not getting a psychic reading. I've got nothing. ED McMAHON: Nothing? (Carnac opens the envelope and pulls out the card.) CARNAC: What is the meaning of life? (The crowd groans.) CARNAC: Oh, go f*** yourselves. - - - - OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES: - - - - Carnac the Jaded By Chris SartinskyMy Father, as Owner of His Fantasy Baseball Team, Has a Meeting With His Players to Explore Their Concerns About Front-Office Management By Kate Kershner Thank You, Thank You, a Thousand Thank-Yous, and More My Choral Dilemma By Jim Stallard Excerpt From the Unfinished Screenplay You're a Jailbird, Charlie Brown By Jeff Sutter |
Red dot denotes content that is new today.
Black dot denotes newish content.
