Through this Friday, all available back issues of Wholphin are half off—10 bucks apiece for countless warm evenings of rare films, featuring Miranda July, Paul Rudd, Donald Trump, and a monkey-faced eel. - - - -

COMMENTS FROM RATEMYSHEPHERD.COM. BY ROSS MURRAY - - - - I've always felt like part of the flock, but this shepherd really made me feel like an individual sheep. I didn't like it. - - - - The worst shepherd ever!!!!!!!!! You wouldn't believe how many times she lost us. Be prepared to be left alone to come home on your own ... Trust me, there were no tails wagging. Flock spirit sucks. - - - - Bo-o-o-o-ring! Like watching grass grow. In fact, we did watch grass grow. - - - - Total perv. Always shearing us with his eyes. - - - - Awesome shepherd! He really makes you ruminate over the big issues. - - - - Mary had a little lump. Eww! What is that on her neck!?! - - - - Enough with the bad puns! We get it: ewe = you. Ha ha ha (barf). And every day it's "So who watched Graze Anatomy last night?" OMG! - - - - Awful hygiene, even for a shepherd. Wears the same tunic, like, every day. Made me sick to all four of my stomachs. - - - - It's always "My goats did it this way" and "My goats would never do that." Go herd goats then, idiot! - - - - I can't believe someone pays him for this. Once, we found him under the haystack, fast asleep. We peed on him. Good times! - - - - Sick! I mean, what's with the Wile E. Coyote costume? Not funny, man! - - - - Clearly intimidated by the black sheep. - - - - OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES: - - - - Comments From RateMyShepherd.com By Ross Murray How I Envisioned My Adult Workweek When I Was 6 Years Old By Adam Sachs Exclusive! Leaked Excerpts From a Screenplay Written by My Grandparents in an Attempt to Cash In on the Superhero-Movie Craze By Aaron Spiewak The American Canon of the Choose-Your-Own-Adventure, Volume II By Chris McCoy and Matthew Collison A Meditation on Salami By Michael Ian Black

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