E-MAILS
SENT BETWEEN
MEMBERS OF NEW
EDITION REGARDING
THEIR REUNION TOUR.
BY STEPHEN SCAIA
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FROM: Richard Bell
TO: "NE GROUP" (Ralph, Johnny, Biv, DeVoe, Bobby)
RE: Proper procedures for New Edition ...
Hey, gang!
I'm very excited about New Edition's upcoming reunion. After talking with some fellow members, I realized that there may be some disagreement in regard to our modus operandi. I know it's been a while and I assure you that even I forget from time to time. So, in the interest of setting consistent guidelines to maintain our "brand quality," I wanted to remind everyone of the correct technique, which is as follows:
1. Smack it up.
2. Flip it.
3. Rub it down.
Thanks, and I hope this clears up any confusion. See you at the kickoff BBQ!
Best,
Ricky
- - - -
FROM: Michael Bivens
TO: "NE GROUP" (Ralph, Johnny, Bell, DeVoe, Bobby)
RE: RE: Proper procedures for New Edition ...
Great, Slick. Thanks for clearing that up.
I'd like to add that although I know there will be many opportunities on the road, professionalism is an important part of our image, too, so I needn't remind the group that you should never trust a big butt and a smile. That girl is poison.
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FROM: Ronald DeVoe
TO: "NE GROUP" (Ralph, Johnny, Bell, Biv, Bobby)
RE: RE: RE: Proper procedures for New Edition ...
Yeah, poison.
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FROM: Ralph Tresvant
TO: "NE GROUP" (Johnny, Bell, Biv, DeVoe, Bobby)
RE: RE: RE: RE: Proper procedures for New Edition ...
Actually, I'm glad Johnny and Ronnie brought this up. There's something I want to present to the group, and while part of me is hesitant, knowing how tense things got right before the breakup and not wanting to derail this great thing we've got going, another part of me feels like a reunion is our chance to correct past wrongs, so what the hell, right?
Humor me for a moment ... While it's true you can't be sure that she won't steal your heart when you're blind, and that she may indeed be schemin' at the same exact time that you're dreamin', you should hate the behavior, not the person.
So I guess what I'm asking is: Is the girl, in fact, poison? I mean, categorically?
It's a radical departure of thought for us, I know, but I think it's an important point. Before we hit the road, I just wanted to put in my two cents that perhaps it's unfair to label the girl poison.
- - - -
FROM: Ronald DeVoe
TO: "NE GROUP" (Ralph, Johnny, Bell, Biv, Bobby)
RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Proper procedures for New Edition ...
Yeah ... poison?
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FROM: Robert Brown
TO: "NE GROUP" (Ralph, Johnny, Bell, Biv, DeVoe)
RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Proper procedures for New Edition ...
Ralph, that's a well-thought-out opinion and I applaud your bravery and tact in presenting it. It's clear to me that we've all come a long way over the years. I'm even more excited about the reunion now, which, believe me, I didn't think was possible!
But here's the thing. The girl is most certainly poison. As much as I wish that weren't the case, I've done my share of humpin' around, getting girls is how I live, etc., etc., and nothing I've seen out there would indicate otherwise. I realize it's none of my business, but you guys were on to something, and I implore you not to second-guess yourselves.
See you all at the BBQ!
Bobby
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FROM: Johnny Gill
TO: "NE GROUP" (Ralph, Bell, Biv, DeVoe, Bobby)
RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Proper procedures for New Edition ...
<UNSUBSCRIBE>
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OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:
- - - -
E-mails Sent Between Members of New Edition Regarding Their Reunion Tour By Stephen Scaia
Comments From RateMyShepherd.com By Ross Murray
How I Envisioned My Adult Workweek When I Was 6 Years Old By Adam Sachs
Exclusive! Leaked Excerpts From a Screenplay Written by My Grandparents in an Attempt to Cash In on the Superhero-Movie Craze By Aaron Spiewak
The American Canon of the Choose-Your-Own-Adventure, Volume II By Chris McCoy and Matthew Collison
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