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Now available for preorder:
The San Francisco Panorama.

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ALAN GREENSPAN'S EBAY AUCTIONS. BY ROSS BROWN - - - - Item number: 13013759820285 Used HP 10B2 calculator Starting bid: $29.99 Description: Excellent calculator with reverse-Polish-notation entry, clear LCD screen, and reliable keys. Bidders are advised that although calculations on this device have historically proven accurate, a modicum of restraint should be used in making decisions based on its outcomes, as past performance is not a reliable indicator of future performance. Black. - - - - Item number: 13015445626455 "Hello Kitty" coffee-table book Starting bid: $45.21 Description: A book of marginal utility with an increasing value curve due to contrived scarcity and market demand. The book contains photographs of an idealized cat with anthropomorphic qualities. It was given to me by my great-niece on the occasion of my 75th birthday. The value of the book as calculated using a common Black-Scholes model is given as the starting bid, but irrational exuberance among the 8-to-24-year-old demographic of females, especially of Asian descent, could push the market price for this publication higher. I advise caution. However, this may turn out to be a fine investment if the market for this type of artistry remains strong, which may or may not happen, depending on the vagaries of taste and supply. How do we know when irrational exuberance has unduly escalated asset values? ... We should not underestimate, or become complacent about, the complexity of the interactions of asset markets and the economy. - - - - Item number: 130137554854744 Atlas Shrugged—signed by the author, Ayn Rand Starting bid: $451.00 Description: Finally finished the damn novel. It dragged on with much repetition. No longer care who John Galt is. - - - - Item number: 130154584455845 Leather folio briefcase Starting bid: $49.95 Description: As seen on CNBC's "Greenspan Watch." Brown leather case that was used to carry my papers. Andrea suggested I sell it and replace it with a nice Jack Spade bag now that I am in the private sector. Winning bidder also gets an autographed copy of my "Market Economies and the Rule of Law" speech, given at the 2003 Financial Markets Conference of the Federal Reserve Bank of Atlanta, so hurry up and bid early! - - - - OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES: - - - - Alan Greenspan's eBay Auctions By Ross Brown Patents I Have Sought, and Failed, to Obtain By Eric Feezell Steroids Are Ruining the Comics Page By Jim Stallard Tom Wolfe Reviews Entourage By Blair Becker Introducing Millard Kaufman

- - - - MAIN PAGE | ARCHIVES Memories of Amanda Davis Red dot denotes content that is new today. Black dot denotes newish content. McSWEENEY'S STORE SUBSCRIBE TO: McSWEENEY'S THE BELIEVER WHOLPHIN FUTURE McSWEENEY'S BOOKS THE AMANDA DAVIS HIGHWIRE FICTION AWARD INVITE A McSWEENEY'S AUTHOR TO SPEAK IN YOUR TOWN OR COLLEGE THE BEST AMERICAN NONREQUIRED READING McSWEENEY'S MONTHLY MAILING LIST BOOKSTORES WITH A McSWEENEY'S DISPLAY McSWEENEY'S-RELATED EVENTS AND VARIOUS TOUR DATES ORDER INQUIRIES AND ADDRESS CHANGES SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: FOR BOOKS FOR THE QUARTERLY FOR THE WEBSITE FOR WHOLPHIN McSWEENEY'S INTERNSHIPS CONTACT US - - - - LETTERS TO McSWEENEY'S LISTS McSWEENEY'S RECOMMENDS REVIEWS OF NEW FOOD NEW WHOLPHIN FILM DAN LIEBERT, VERBAL CARTOONIST TEDDY WAYNE'S UNPOPULAR PROVERBS NON-ESSENTIAL MNEMONICS BITCHSLAP: A COLUMN ABOUT WOMEN AND FIGHTING DISPATCHES FROM A GUY TRYING UNSUCCESSFULLY TO SELL A SONG IN NASHVILLE GLOBAL WAR ON BEDBUGS: LETTERS FROM BEDBUG CITY THE CONFLICTED EXISTENCE OF A FEMALE PORN WRITER OH MY GAWD: A COLUMN ABOUT A TEENAGER NAVIGATING RELIGION DISPATCHES FROM MANILA DISPATCHES FROM AN INDIAN CASINO THE CONVERGENCES CONTEST CHRIS WHITE ANSWERS PROFOUND QUESTIONS ABOUT THE PRESIDENTS REPORTS FROM THE PINBALL SCENE LETTERS FROM THE HELLBOX NOTES FROM AN AMATEUR SPECTATOR AT AMATEUR MIXED MARTIAL ARTS FIGHTS B.R. COHEN'S DAYS AT THE MUSEUM CONVERSATIONS AT A WARTIME CAFÉ AND HERE'S THE KICKER: MIKE SACKS'S CONVERSATIONS WITH HUMOR WRITERS GRANT MUNROE'S CORPORATE FOLKTALES SARAH WALKER SHOWS YOU HOW DISPATCHES FROM AN ENVIRONMENTAL LAWYER WHO IS TRYING TO GROW A MUSTACHE DISPATCHES FROM A HANGDOG BANKRUPT DISPATCHES FROM THE CAPITAL DISPATCHES FROM INDIA THE WINNER'S CIRCLE WITH ERIC FEEZELL SEAN MICHAELS LISTENS TO MUSIC IN MONTREAL SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES KIDS' LETTERS TO PRESIDENT OBAMA STAINED TEETH: A COLUMN ABOUT WINE YOUR MONEY, YOUR JOB ... YOUR LIFE, WITH ALISON ROSEN KEVIN DOLGIN TELLS YOU ABOUT PLACES YOU SHOULD GO IN EUROPE ABOUT THE WILD THINGS ABOUT THE CONVALESCENT ABOUT FEVER CHART ABOUT GOD SAYS NO ABOUT ZEITOUN LETTERS FROM AN EARTH BALL TO, OR CONCERNING, SEAN HANNITY E-MAILS SENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA ENGLISH DEPARTMENT FLAG-FOOTBALL TEAM TRAVELING EUROPE IN STYLE WITH AUCKLAND DINGIROO, DARK-AGE TOURIST AND CRITIC OF FOOD AND DRINK JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL JOBS FLIP: A COLUMN ABOUT SKATEBOARDING OPEN LETTERS TO PEOPLE OR ENTITIES WHO ARE UNLIKELY TO RESPOND DISPATCHES FROM A PUBLIC LIBRARIAN MICHAEL IAN BLACK IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY DAN KENNEDY SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS WITH PAPER STEPHEN ELLIOTT'S POKER REPORT - - - - ADDITIONAL MATERIAL