FIFTY YEARS
OF POPULAR SONGS
CONDENSED INTO
SINGLE SENTENCES.
- - - -
The Beatles, "I Want to Hold Your Hand"
I want to do it with you.
- - - -
Marvin Gaye, "Let's Get It On"
I want to do it with you.
- - - -
Led Zeppelin, "Whole Lotta Love"
I want to do it with you.
- - - -
James Blunt, "You're Beautiful"
I want to do it with you.
- - - -
Sir Mix-a-Lot, "Baby Got Back"
I want to do it.
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Elvis Presley, "Hound Dog"
You're doing it with everyone.
- - - -
R. Kelly, "I Believe I Can Fly"
I believe I want to do it with you.
- - - -
Patsy Cline, "Crazy"
I want to do it with you so much I'm going fucking nuts.
- - - -
Frank Sinatra, "Strangers in the Night"
I'm drunk and I want to do it with you.
- - - -
The White Stripes, "My Doorbell"
Using metaphor, I want to do it with you.
- - - -
Little Richard, "Good Golly Miss Molly"
I'm doing it with Miss Molly, and she's totally into it.
- - - -
Duran Duran, "Rio"
I'd love to do that chick dancing on the sand.
- - - -
The Beatles, "Why Don't We Do It in the Road?"
I'd like to do it with you right now.
- - - -
Carly Simon, "You're So Vain"
We used to do it, but then you did it with someone else, and now I'm not going to do it with you, although I wish we were still doing it.
- - - -
Pulp, "Common People"
I once met a stuck-up European who wanted to do it with me.
- - - -
Radiohead, "Creep"
I'm filled with self-loathing, and, though outwardly I hate everything you represent, I want to do it with you.
- - - -
Kate Bush, "Wuthering Heights"
I'm an 18th-century fictional character and I want to do it with another 18th-century fictional character.
- - - -
Bob Dylan, "Blowin' in the Wind"
The Man is currently doing it to you.
- - - -
Elvis Presley, "Jailhouse Rock"
Incarcerated men will on occasion do it with each other.
- - - -
Meat Loaf, "I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)"
Hey! You won't believe what this one chick said while I was doing it with her!
- - - -
Kings of Leon, "Sex on Fire"
I did it with you, and now it hurts when I pee.
- - - -
Céline Dion, "My Heart Will Go On"
Even your death has not stopped me wanting to do it with you.
- - - -
AC/DC, "You Shook Me All Night Long"
We did it yesterday.
- - - -
OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:
- - - -
Fifty Years of Popular Songs Condensed Into Single Sentences By Marc Haynes
How Key Players in the 2000 Election Perform at a Modern-Dance Contest By Bob Bringhurst
An Electoral-College Breakdown for My French In-Laws That Meets All Their Preconceptions By Nathaniel Missildine
Black Shoe Diary: The Daily Musings of Shuruku Umezawa: Junior Salesman, Ninja—Installment Five: The Final Chapter By Eric Feezell
So You've Been Buried Alive By Jim Stallard
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