A CLASSIFIED AD
FROM A DYNAMIC
STUDENT LOOKING
TO HARNESS SYNERGY
AND INNOVATE 24/7.
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I'm a dynamic student looking to express my creativity and individual uniqueness through a remedial summertime position at your company / Internet pyramid scheme. I'm committed to raising the bar and achieving absolute excellence and innovation by utilizing unique, out-of-the-box thinking and harnessing my own dynamic synergy. Moreover, by channeling my productive energies and maintaining unflagging dedication and diligence 24/7, I come second to none in providing visionary business solutions for our modern world. We all know a penny saved is a penny earned, but what's an opportunity lost? If you help me help you by allowing me to join you and your positive-thinking, inventive, and kinetic work force, you'll never have to find out—instead, you'll win the professionally strategized solutions I provide within a harmoniously prioritized environmental framework!
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OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:
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A Classified Ad From a Dynamic Student Looking to Harness Synergy and Innovate 24/7 By Zach Lenane
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