COACH
BARRY MURPHY'S
INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES
(LIFETIME RECORD:
14-91-1).
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"Winners never quit and quitters never win. Vince Lombardi said that, and I think it's a good quote, if a wee bit specious."
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"Losing is something that only happens when you don't try. We didn't win tonight, but we tried, so I don't know what that's called. Shall we call it 'tuvoling'?"
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"Winning isn't everything. Losing is also a thing, as are eggs and bonnets and quilts and, I believe, red trucks."
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"Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. For example, do not let the fact that you can't time-travel interfere with your drinking of water. This should be easy."
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"I don't see us beating these guys. They're just bigger and faster. Wow. All right. Let's go out there."
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"When someone tells you you can't do something, reply that you can. And if you can't prove it in action, you've at least said it in words."
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"There is no q in 'team.'"
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"It's not the size of the dog in the fight or the size of the fight in the dog; it's the fight of the size dog not."
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"If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score? Because not knowing the score isn't everything, either."
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"The best offense is a good defense. So, defense, I'm going to send you out there to go head-to-head with their defense. Let's somehow get some points doing that!"
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"We're playing the Cougars tonight. I love cougars!"
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"I went to visit your teammate Danny Brock in the hospital last night and told him, 'Mind can win over matter anytime, Danny.' But the doctor informed me that, in fact, no, his back is broken, nerves severed, and, no matter what his mind wants to do, he will not be able to walk ever again. So, gentlemen, sure, 'mind over matter' doesn't always work, but only when things get difficult."
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"I've never really liked football. Baseball's more my thing."
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"Sooner or later we're all going to die."
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OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:
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Coach Barry Murphy's Inspirational Quotes (Lifetime Record: 14-91-1) By Dirk Voetberg
It's Not You, It's Your Uncontrollable Telekinesis By Ben Joseph
A Tired Teacher's Ideas for Classroom Projects By Will Newman
A 1980s Teen Sex Comedy Becomes Politically Uncomfortable By Andrew Golden
Ernest Hemingway Blogs About the Top Teams in College Basketball By John Frank Weaver
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