RULES FOR
"STACEY AND
THE HIPPIES."
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"Stacey and the Hippies" is a game guaranteed to set your mother's garden to ruin, and has been engineered by the Council of Playbreak Activities for maximum narrative subtext, social interaction, and consumption of surplus youthful energies.
One player is Stacey, one player is her Father, and the rest of the players are the Hippies.
The numerical value of Hippies is unlimited, but the CPA recommends that there be no more than six Hippies.
The game, if you haven't already guessed, is a combination of king of the hill and hide-and-seek.
There are three rounds.
The story goes that Stacey is angry about her Father's heavy-handed discipline, and decides to find a Hippie to marry in order to escape, and, obviously, to anger her Father.
So she counts to 100 and begins to seek out a Hippie to take home to Father.
The Hippies are not in hiding, really, but are camped out in bushes, behind trees, or in neighborhood cellars, dozing, dreaming, and talking of empty revolution. The Hippies may even hide out in the open and amuse themselves with other activities, such as foursquare and tetherball, in order to throw Stacey off the scent.
Once Stacey finds a Hippie, she must take the Hippie home to her Father.
The Hippie, meanwhile, digs the far-out chick but doesn't want to commit. He just wants to take Stacey home to the Commune.
All the Hippies who remain after Stacey makes a capture become "the Commune." They can just sit in a circle and watch the action.
So there is a tug of war between Stacey and the Hippie, as Stacey tries to tug the Hippie home.
Let's examine one possible outcome: Stacey wins the struggle.
In this case, Stacey drags the Hippie to the small hill where her Father stands. The Hippie, once on the hill, has no choice but to confront the Father and attempt to usurp his power.
While not one for marriage and the plotless miasma of living vaguely happily ever after, the Hippie is also easily reeled into barbarian violence at the suggestion, the mere suggestion, by an authority figure no less authoritative than Stacey's Father, that there exists a chasm between the world of Hippies and the family of Stacey.
If the Hippie throws the Father off the hill, the Hippie becomes the Father in the next round, the Father becomes a Hippie, and Stacey remains Stacey.
If the Father wins, he becomes the Stacey in the next round, Stacey becomes the Father, and the Hippie remains a Hippie.
Let's examine the other possibility: Stacey loses the struggle.
In this case, the Hippie wins by tugging Stacey back to the aforementioned Commune.
The story goes that Stacey has been brainwashed by the Commune into revealing the layout of her father's house and where all the valuables are stashed.
And so one Commune member is chosen to break in and kill the Father and claim the house for the Commune. The chosen Commune member can be any of the children—even Stacey, if it is decided that Stacey has the best chance, the best strength, to go against the Father.
The chosen member then rushes over and tries to push the Father off the hill. If the Father holds his (or her) ground, he (or she) remains the Father in the next round, and has the option of selecting a new Stacey. If the Father chooses a new Stacey, the old Stacey becomes one of the Hippies.
If the Commune member wins, the Commune member becomes the Father, the old Father becomes one of the Hippies, and the old Stacey retains the role of Stacey.
There are three rounds in all. There is no maximum running time. There is also no official rule for time-out time limits, so this thing could go on for days.
Sample box scores for newspaper reporting:
(Note: Asterisks indicate time-outs, and are notated at the end of the box score.)
A. Stacey and the Hippies
Round 1: Kaila Smirk (S) d. Billy Shill (H). Doug Furless (F) d. Billy Shill (H). Round 2: Harry Treat (H) d. Doug Furless (S). Lars Gonzalez (H) d. Kaila Smirk (F). Round 3: Doug Furless (S) d. Mary Kaltwater (H). Mary Kaltwater (H) d. Lars Gonzalez (F). Other Hippies: Blake Bland, Wally Wallson, Charlie Chitterbug, Ronald Flounce, Jaimie Sawyer. Total time: 15:34.
B. Stacey and the Hippies
Round 1: Manuel Baxter (S) d. Frank Friend (H). Frank Friend (H) d. Shane Busby (F). Round 2: Lionel Kreaturetrain (H) d. Manuel Baxter (S). Frank Friend (F) d. Reinhold Ouija (H).* Round 3: Jacob Snouter (S) d. Tanya Kammererra (H). Tanya Kammererra (H) d. Frank Friend (F). Other Hippies: Blake Bland, Jaimie Sawyer, Lester Villamont, Grayton Paisley, Jaysonne Allyson, Fred Jacobs, Kortneighya Schneider-Palaz d'Ontoya. Total time: 72:30:31. (* 48:16.22.)
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OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:
- - - -
Rules for "Stacey and the Hippies" By Rocky Morrow
On Behalf of Adam, Eve, and Humanity at Large By Melanie Berliet
Coach Barry Murphy's Inspirational Quotes (Lifetime Record: 14-91-1) By Dirk Voetberg
It's Not You, It's Your Uncontrollable Telekinesis By Ben Joseph
A Tired Teacher's Ideas for Classroom Projects By Will Newman
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