PLAYING BALDERDASH
WITH EX-GIRLFRIENDS.
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(Asterisk indicates word's actual definition.)
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MIKE'S WORD
Compunctious
(1) Compunctious—the mood between two people who have nothing in common, and never did, and really just pretended to in order to spare one of the person's feelings.
(2) Compunctious*—feeling or expressing regret for one's sins or misdeeds.
(3) Compunctious—incapability of experiencing regret, or empathy, or caring for another individual in any nonsexual way, and the childlike attempt to cover this emotional wasteland with superficial charm.
(4) Compunctious—a man who goes out of his way to afflict the woman in his life with misery, possibly by sleeping with said woman's best friends. All of them. Like he had some kind of a list or something.
(5) Compunctious—having a penis of below-average size.
KAELEE'S WORD
Frangible
(1) Frangible—a patently absurd lie about someone's physical appearance or anatomy, particularly one that is communicated to people who all know the truth of the matter.
(2) Frangible—an apology, or an attempt to apologize, that has been offered far too late to be effective, and, in point of fact, just pisses people off.
(3) Frangible*—capable of being destroyed or broken; easily broken.
(4) Frangible—a palpable feeling of anger, one that could manifest itself in violence and destruction targeted toward inanimate objects, individuals, or possibly one specific overly smug individual.
(5) Frangible—having a penis of below-average size.
BETH'S WORD
Pestiferous
(1) Pestiferous—the quality of maybe not being below average, but sure as hell not being above average, either.
(2) Pestiferous—a person thinking they're hip, but whose dress and manner is, in reality, the subject of a huge joke that no one has ever let this person in on. Being of the opinion that one can buy vintage clothing at Old Navy.
(3) Pestiferous—a boy who is capable of being incredibly charming and smart and fun to be around only for very limited periods of time, something you don't realize until you've already wasted too much of your life.
(4) Pestiferous—the feeling that something you thought was a good idea may not be such a good idea, but now that you've started there's really no good way to stop. Ironically, applicable to both past relationships and to board games.
(5) Pestiferous*—having or bringing about disease, moral harm, or annoyance.
KACEY'S WORD
Nebbish
(1) Nebbish*—a weak-willed, timid, and cowardly person.
(2) Nebbish—maybe not even about size, maybe just more about general sexual inadequacy.
(3) Nebbish—the act of sleeping with a boyfriend's brother and then saving that information until it can be released at a time calculated to be the most embarrassing/satisfying.
(4) Nebbish—hating someone so much that you feel like you can hurt them just by staring at them while your definition is being read.
(5) Nebbish—a cathartic orgy involving three to five people who have shared at least one sexual partner in the past who is now very compunctious of any past mistakes.
KIMBERLY'S WORD
Chimerical
(1) Chimerical*—very unrealistic; wildly fanciful.
(2) Chimerical—wanting someone you tricked yourself into thinking you loved at one point to suffer both physical and emotional pain. But really more physical. Physical and immediate.
(3) Chimerical—complete and utter astonishment felt when someone you didn't think could lose any more of your respect manages to do so.
(4) Chimerical—a cathartic orgy involving three to five people who have shared at least one sexual partner in the past who is now very compunctious of any past mistakes, and also is not pestiferous at all.
(5) Chimerical—you're such an unbelievable ass.
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OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:
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Playing Balderdash With Ex-Girlfriends By Michael Nelson Price
A Copyeditor at a Business Journal Reflects on a Breakup By Allison Morrow
A Suburban Mother Tells Her 14-Year-Old Babysitter How to Make Her Parties More Raging By Wendi Aarons
The Middle East Peace Process, as Moderated by My Spin Instructor By Paul A. Ita
A Press Conference Announcing My Leaving My Girlfriend Early to Declare for the NBA Draft By Eric Wiener
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