- - - -
Just in time for Valentine's Day,
the Guardian in London has
reviewed and raved about
The Secret Language of Sleep.
And, for the rest of the week,
you can buy it for $5!
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THE TALK.BY JULIA WEISS- - - - BEE: Hello, Bird. BIRD: Oh. Hello. BEE: I'm Bee. I'm a bee. BIRD: Yes. I see that. How do you do? BEE: Very well, thank you. And you? BIRD: Oh, quite well, thank you. Considering. BEE: Considering? BIRD: Just the weather. Hard to keep up. BEE: How can it be hard to keep up when you have such nice wings? BIRD: Oh, Bee. You are a charmer! BEE: Oh, Bird. One can't help but be charming when one is charmed. BIRD: Hehe. Buy me a drink? BEE: Done. - - - - BIRD: Oh, Bee. I've never— Not on a first— Oh, Bee. BEE: Don't speak, Bird. Just let things— BIRD: Bee! BEE: Bird! BIRD: Oh, Bee! (Cut to: Several minutes later.) BEE: Cigarette? - - - - BEE: When I was 9, my mother stung a man. He was trying to swat me. BIRD: You poor thing. BEE: I watched her as she passed. I still blame myself. BIRD: Wow, Bee. You've never opened up like this before. BEE: I guess I ... BIRD: You guess you what? BEE: I guess I trust you or something. BIRD: Oh? BEE: Yeah. BIRD: Bee? BEE: Yeah? BIRD: I love you. BEE: Aw. Good night. - - - - BEE: Lay off, Bird. I was working late. BIRD: What's her name? BEE: Jesus Christ! Can't a man work late? BIRD: Does she have a stinger? Am I fat? BEE: Bird, I'm not seeing someone else. BIRD: Then why did I find pollen in the Honda? BEE: You searched my Honda? BIRD: Don't change the subject! BEE: God, I can't even trust you! BIRD: Don't twist this! BEE: Snoop! BIRD: Cheat! BEE: Vulture! BIRD: Drone! - - - - BEE: Her name is Mandy. She works in HR. BIRD: Oh my God. BEE: She's a wasp from Pittsburgh. And, yeah ... maybe you could stand to be a little less early, Bird. BIRD: Get out. BEE: I'm gone. BIRD: Good! Go! I hate you! - - - - BEE: Bird? Bird, is that you? BIRD: Oh my God! Bee! How are you?! It's, uh ... It's been ... BEE: A while! BIRD: Ha-ha. Yeah. A while. BEE: You look ... just ... great. BIRD: Thanks! You, too. You, too. So ... what's, uh ... what's new? BEE: Not much. Getting married in June ... BIRD: Wow! Congratulations. That's just ... That's great. BEE: Yeah. She's a great girl ... Good family. BIRD: That's wonderful ... BEE: What about you? Got anybody? BIRD: I've been seeing a crow on and off. I'm meeting the murder later this week ... for the, uh ... the holidays. BEE: Wow, yeah. Good. Great. BIRD: Hey, I gotta ... I gotta run. Let's get ... coffee or something sometime. BEE: Sounds great. Sounds good. Yeah ... let's ... let's make it happen. BIRD: Yeah. BEE: It was good running into you, Bird. BIRD: You, too, Bee. You, too. - - - - OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES: - - - - The Talk By Julia WeissJean-Paul Sartre's Script for Without a Trace By Bob Woodiwiss The Proofreader By Robert Cantoni What We Talk About When We Talk About Mad-Cow Disease By Steve Lohse The Progressive Cowpoke: Highlights From the Radio Serial By Daniel McArdle |
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