"BOB AND TOM'S
FISH AND FRY":
A SENTENCE-COMBINING WORKSHEET.
BY DANIEL NESTER
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Instructions: Join each group of sentences below into a single and effective complex one. Feel free to re-order sentences and phrases, and/or eliminate redundancies and subordinate clauses. Use appositives and employ absolute phrases to connect ideas, coordinating conjunctions (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so) preceded by a comma, or use subordinating conjunctions (who, which, that, although, because, since, though, if, as if, and others). Try reading your new sentences out loud. Have fun!
GROUP 1
1. I walk into a car repair shop that is located on Central Avenue.
2. It is next to the Bob and Tom's Fish and Fry.
3. Bob and Tom's Fish and Fry is a place I have eaten before.
4. It is located in Albany.
5. It is located in the outskirts of Albany.
GROUP 2
1. I moved to downtown Albany last year when my wife and I bought a house.
2. No—it's not because we bought a house.
3. I got my first teaching job here at a small Catholic college.
4. Then we bought a house.
5. The house was built in 1876.
6. I said it was my first teaching job.
7. Wait; that came out wrong.
GROUP 3
1. I have not gone onto a second teaching job.
2. In fact, I don't have another teaching job lined up.
3. The house has a nice yard, a television, and posters of Flash Gordon.
4. Sometimes, late at night, I cruise adult websites.
5. I just went to a website that advertises to have "many of your favorite adult film titles available online."
6. It has been 28 years since my last confession.
7. I am a fan of the Mike Hodges's adaptation of Flash Gordon, Flash Gordon (1980).
8. I'll admit: I did do some phone interviews to check out the academic market.
9. Flash Gordon has many incarnations on page and screen, including a painting by Jean-Michel Basquiat.
GROUP 4
1. Jean-Michel Basquiat is a neo-expressionist artist.
2. That reminds me.
3. I once went to a retrospective of Jean-Michel Basquiat at the Brooklyn Museum in Brooklyn.
4. I lived there before I moved to Albany.
5. Albany is the capital of the State of New York and the county seat of Albany County.
6. I miss the glory days of Christy Canyon, Seka, and Ginger Lynn.
7. The website says it offers several versions of Flesh Gordon (Michael Benveniste and Howard Ziehm, 1974).
GROUP 5
1. After moving from Brooklyn, we lived in a neighborhood in the so-called midtown section of Albany.
2. The so-called midtown section is also called the Pine Hills neighborhood.
3. We bought a house in Albany at the height of the housing bubble.
4. Even if I wanted to interview for another job we would still be stuck here in Albany.
5. It would be nice to teach at a college that isn't so Catholic.
6. The college isn't affiliated with the church.
GROUP 6
1. One version of Flesh Gordon is dubbed in French.
2. Its subtitle reads: Destination: Planète Porno.
3. Students here are sometimes too easily offended.
4. Bob and Tom is also the name of a morning radio show in Toledo and Indianapolis, Indiana.
5. The Bob and Tom Show is syndicated across the country.
6. I read somewhere that Basquiat was an angry and frustrated child.
GROUP 7
1. The shrimp was rather plain-tasting.
2. By which I mean there was no spice in the breading that surrounds the shrimp.
3. Some spices I like are: curry, black pepper, cumin, and oregano.
4. I was delighted to find the website offers many adult take-offs of popular movies.
5. Examples of take-off adult film titles include Fleshdance, American Booty, and Assablanca.
6. Many students might think classic adult film titles are offensive.
GROUP 8
1. I am not looking for another teaching job.
2. My students should not worry that I am leaving.
3. It's just that during this time of year, the tenure-track postings appear everywhere.
4. Any of those spices mentioned above would work in a dish with fried, breaded shrimp.
5. Other examples of classic adult film take-off titles include On Golden Blonde, Bi-Curious George, and Good Will Humping.
6. I would doubt I would go to all the trouble to teach somewhere else where the same problems would occur.
7. It is the early fall.
GROUP 9
1. I forgot to tell you why I went to a car repair shop.
2. My car was smashed in a parking lot near our house in Albany by a much larger car.
3. The driver said she "didn't notice anything" hitting her car.
4. She must have been watching a DVD in her SUV.
5. I called the lady a "fucking idiot."
6. She sideswiped the Honda and now I have to take it to the shop.
7. I held my tongue after that.
8. The lady looked genuinely surprised at my foul mouth.
9. We waited for the Albany cops to come.
10. The lady had a set of rosary beads hanging from her rear-view window.
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McSweeney's contributor (and former sestinas editor) Daniel Nester's new book, How to Be Inappropriate is available at all fine bookstores. For a schedule of his tour dates, please click here.
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OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:
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"Bob and Tom's Fish and Fry": A Sentence-Combining Worksheet By Daniel Nester
Miles Davis's Container Gardening Tips By Ryan Abbott
AvocadoTheftBook: FAQ By Frank Ferri
If I Were Built By Andrew Palmer
Principles of Cost-Effective Candy Extraction By John Ochwat
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