PATRONIZING
THE ARTS.
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Oh heyyyy Ballet, wow, you're reeeeal fun to watch—all those pliés and jetés—good for you!
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Hey, Painting. What are you, like, oils on a canvas? Boy, that's a priceless way to capture the human condition.
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Whoa, nice beat you got there, Music. Yeah, that'll never get old. Why don't you repeat that chorus again? It's soooo catchy.
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Hey, Literature. What 'cha got there, some words on paper? That'll sure come in handy... when I'm in the can!
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OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:
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Patronizing the Arts By Josh Silverstein
The Allegory of the Beer Cave By Craig Klein
I Am Locking the Wikipedia Article On Our Sex Life By Alan Trotter
A Former Investment Banking Analyst Falls Back on Plan B By Helen Coster
How the Apocalypse Would Happen if Heaven Were a Small Non-Profit By Daniel Cech