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Better of McSweeney's, Vol. II.

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"SAY HELLO TO UR FRIENDS": THE BABY-SITTERS CLUB — RELOADED.

BY MAUREEN MILLER

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#1: Kristy's Great Idea

Kristy thinks the Baby-Sitters Club is a great idea. She and her friends Claudia, Stacey, and Mary Anne all love taking care of kids. A club will give them the chance to have lots of laughs—and get them into an academically competitive preparatory school of their choice. But nobody counted on alerts, questions about vaccinations, wild sexts, and parents who don't always e-mail back. Having a baby-sitters club is hard work, but Kristy and her friends aren't giving up until they get into Choate!

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#3: The Truth About Stacey

The truth about Stacey is that she has diabetes. Nobody knows... except her team of pediatric endocrine subspecialists. But even they don't know the real truth about Stacey. Stacey's problem is the science. The scientists haven't locked down the autoimmune mechanism of Stacey's Type I case, and tons of other kids her age are afflicted with Type II. Reading so many review papers made Stacey's principal investigator rewrite one grant, and she won't let it happen again. Especially now—when the epi needs her more than ever!

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#7: Claudia and Mean Janine

Claudia's sister is green! She's too busy being green to be nice. Even Claudia's grandmother, Mimi, can't get through to Janine. Plus, Mean Green Janine puts down the BSC's unsafe use of plastics in Kid-Kits. That makes Claudia MAD... but phthalates, bisphenol A, and perchlorates could make Claudia and her friends sick!

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#8: Boy-Crazy Stacey

Things are great in the Jersey Shore: There's a housing bust knocking down the rent on the beach house, erosion, plenty of mid-priced chains, lot parking... and the hottest guy Stacey has ever seen! Mary Anne knows that The Sitch is way too old for Stacey, but Stacey's in luv. She fends off guidettes, fetches him brewskis, and spends all her time with him... instead of the kids. Suddenly, Mary Anne's doing the work of the day and night nannies working off their undergraduate debt while they pursue master's degrees, and she doesn't like it one bit. But how can she tell Stacey that The Sitch isn't interested—without breaking Stacey's pride?

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#10: Logan Likes Mary Anne!

It used to be that Mary Anne had to wear her plaid skirts to her knee and text her dad before she did anything. But not anymore. Mary Anne's been logging on... and the Baby-Sitters Club members aren't the only ones who've noticed. Logan Bruno likes Mary Anne! He has a dreamy unplaceable accent, he's awfully suave—and he met Mary Anne online. The Baby-Sitters aren't sure Logan will make a good boyfriend. And Mary Anne thinks she's too shy to meet in person. Life in the Baby-Sitters Club has never been this complicated—or this fun!

 

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OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:

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"Say Hello To Ur Friends": The Babysitters Club — Reloaded By Maureen Miller
A Response By An Aspiring Screenwriter Whose Screenplay Was Turned Down Because It's Exactly Like Robocop By Michael Lacher
Inhuman Rights By Steven Seidenberg
A Review of the New Museum in My Neighborhood By Sophie Pollitt-Cohen
Henry Clay Will Solve Our Problems By Jay Wexler

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