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Darin Strauss' Half a Life,
a nakedly honest, ultimately hopeful
examination of guilt, responsibility, and
living with the past, has arrived. To mark
the occasion, get your copy today
at a reduced price.

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Building Code Violations for the Love Shack.

BY CURTIS RETHERFORD

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TYPE OF ABODE:

Gathering place for social club.

INITIAL OBSERVATIONS:

• Only marker to indicate the location of the building is a sign at least 10 miles away. The sign was not installed by the county, and is not in the county-mandated colors for road signage (should be green and white, is actually hot pink and cardboard).

• Building is set farther back from the rode than necessary, and only accessible via a long driveway, which appears to be permanently blocked by a large Chrysler. Car will have to be towed before further action is taken.

EXTERNAL VIOLATIONS:

• Surrounding field is unkempt.

• Overly aggressive signage (i.e. "STAY AWAY, FOOLS") .

• Excessive oxidation of tin roof.

• Several condom wrappers and used condoms were spotted behind premises.

INTERNAL VIOLATIONS:

• Particulate matter (likely glitter, possibly ground glass) covers entryway, hallway, et cetera.

• No posted sign indicating maximum occupancy.

• Occupancy by more persons than mandated by fire code given the size of the building.

• Inadequate ventilation.

• Pervasive smell (best described as a heavy musk, or funk) throughout premises.

CONSTRUCTION VIOLATIONS:

• Entire shack appears to be inadequately reinforced and will shimmy given intense jumping or dancing.

NOTES ON INSPECTION:

• The front door is excessively thick, which has a tendency to muffle outside speech. Inspector had to knock several times and state name and occupation in an increasingly louder voice before he was allowed entry.

• Many of the occupants were noticeably perspiring due to lack of ventilation or air conditioner, and had subsequently removed most of the their clothing.

• The only electrical outlet that could have been used for an air conditioner was instead given over to a jukebox, in possible violation of code FS-5.20: No Commercial Ventures on Public Property.

SUGGESTED COURSE OF ACTION:

Building's owners have been notified of violations on three successive instances. As given by Infraction Code B-52, under the Section of Law CT-1989, building is to be slated for immediate demolition.

 

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OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:

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Building Code Violations for the Love Shack By Curtis Retherford
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