My Team Crushes it
At Team-Building Exercises.
- - - -
Team-building exercises rule. Best part? My team rules the hardest.
Bertrand and Gormley Windows and Glass Team 1 is a billion times more
awesome than Bertrand and Gormley Windows and Glass Team 2. And
everyone knows it. Especially Bertrand and Gormley Windows and Glass
team 2. They know it because I scream this at them relentlessly.
It was most obvious when it was time for each team to go over the
wall. It takes solid teamwork to get the whole team over the wall. And
my team is the best for one obvious reason. No one needs any help
getting over the wall. We can do it by ourselves. Every member of my
team is so driven, so motivated, so awesome, that we didn't need any
hoisting, hand holding, boosting, or even encouraging to get over the
wall. Everyone but Brian made it over no problem. Brian is weak.
That's why we kicked him off the team.
Get the team across the river on the log? No problem. Not an issue.
Because our team is fast and strong and we don't need help balancing.
We don't need to balance because our legs are young and strong and we
can leap across the river without having to set foot on the wobbling
log. Rebecca was the only person who had to even attempt to cross the
log. She fell, which we all agreed meant she was no longer on our
team. Rebecca is a coward. She should have been on Bertrand and
Gormley Windows and Glass Team 2.
When it came time to sit in a circle and tell the other members of our
team a time in our life when we felt scared or vulnerable, my team
opened up harder than any other team has ever opened up in the history
of teams opening up. We are transparent. And we are warriors. I have
never feared anything. And have never felt vulnerable, and I was open
and honest about that, for sure. And no one else on Bertrand and
Gormley Windows and Glass Team 1 has ever felt vulnerable either. Why?
Because then they wouldn't be allowed on the team. This is what
happened with Kyle, who quietly wept about his parents' divorce. It
kind of freaked all of us out.
We will return to Bertrand and Gormley Windows and Glass stronger,
more agile, more capable. They have taught us that there is no I in
TEAM. But we have discovered for ourselves that there is an I in WIN.
Unfortunately there's no I in WON, which we did. By a lot.
- - - -
OTHER McSWEENEY'S FEATURES:
- - - -
My Team Crushes it at Team-Building Exercises By Jake Hurwitz
Retraction: There is In Fact Such Thing as a Virus that Puts Porn on Your Computer By Eric Hague
Lament of the Imaginary Boyfriend By Brendan Flaherty
To the Lighthouse. But First, to the Food Carts By Marco Kaye
To the Loyal Patrons of 4 Play Diamond Lounge By Lucas Kavner
Red dot denotes content that is new today.
Black dot denotes newish content.
