We are currently working on the new 826 Valencia store website. Please be patient, and look for many fun and exciting things to come in 2003.

The Store at 826 Valencia is San Francisco’s only independent pirate supply store. We offer a variety of goods, including lard, flags, eye patches, mops, glass eyes and the like. We also sell all McSweeney’s-related items. All proceeds from the store go toward the writing center resting directly behind it.

Winter store hours:

12–6 PM Tuesday–Sunday
Closed on Monday

Reading the store log will keep you abreast of the store’s culture and happenings.

Read about store events and specials here.

Also, we feel it is our duty to protect you against the evils of false advertising. Our undercover sources divulge the latest findings on Captain Rick here.

New item for sale in the store: January 2003

   · Nick Hornby’s Songbook

Looted from a merchant ship in Asia:

   · Vintage Noh Theater song books, 110 years-old
   · Ancient I Ching Coins used for fortune telling and divination:
      recovered from the Ching Dynasty
   · Various stolen goods from Captain Rick

Featured items for sale in the store:

   · Apothecary jars filled with mysterious potions

· A Salve for the Treatement of the Angina Pectoris
· A Balme Designed to Promulgate and Encrease the Vital Principle
· An Ointment prepared especially to reduce Excitability,
   and has effects similar to a portion of Beef-Tea
   (or other Animal Soups)
· An Unguent that cures Diseases Relating to Unguents:
   “Similia Similibus Curantur”
· An Emollient to heal the Fig-Wart Disease
· A Lenitive designed to soothe The Itch (Psora)
· A Nard to prevent The Gout —
   “The King of Diseases, and the Disease of Kings”
· A Spikenard to aide the balance of Black Bile
· A Pomade to balance the Phlegm
· A Pomatum for those with unbalanced Choler —
   or other DISHUMORS
· A Juice that can Balance the Yellow Bile
· A Lotion to soothe Melancholia

   · Recovered from the vault: McSweeney’s Issue No. 5,
      the one with the red cover,
      as signed by the venerable Lawrence Weschler
      (Limited volumes available)

   · Planer belonging to the winner of the Best Woodsman Show
      1914 French Lick, IN
      $75.00 or higher

   · Sword that rendered incapable the following sinners:
      1. Josiah Hashenstuphen
      2. Zachary Jake
      3. Steven of Upper Haggis
      4. Timothy Mc Gulligan the Lesser
      5. Eduardo Hernandez, no relation
      6. Massimo Porcini
      $55.00

   · Sword used in an attempt to defend the honor of:
      1. Madeline Turner
      2. Gretchen Piedmont
      3. Sonja Ironshed
      4. Jane the Fainting
      5. Gloria Yakisakana
      6. Xiao Jin Wan Foo Chiang the Seldom III
      $54.00

   · Dagger that was hidden in Mr. Wong’s silk robe.
      $53.00

   · Bell from Afghanistan
      $10.00
      (This bell has irritated no less than 67 people)

   · Dagger that was a wedding present from Jia Xio and was presented to
      Charles of Kent in a public ceremony where the government
      immediately confiscated it.
      $52.00