Organized Religious: Arrives at church, synagogue or mosque with relevant verses and/or hymns already bookmarked. Looks meaningfully at the back of the sanctuary at 9:30 AM SHARP. Prayer mat coordinated to outfit.
Disorganized Religious: Always arrives during the first lesson. Forgets that it’s a fasting day until after waffles are already consumed. Has to pick up important dry cleaning on the Sabbath.
Spiritual and Religious: Goes to worship services, also to Burning Man.
Religious But Not Spiritual: Noted on a recent survey that their favorite thing about worship services is “going through the rote motions without fervor.”
Spiritual, But Not Religious: Admires Richard Gere’s quiet certitude.
Not Spiritual, Not Religious, But Fond of The Gilmore Girls: Where Lauren Graham leads, they will follow.
Facebook Religious: Googles appropriate greetings for any holiday they could reasonably assume a friend might be celebrating, posts as a status update.
Facebook Spiritual: Asks for “good vibes” a lot; re-posts every Tiny House story that comes along.
Broadway Jewish: Knowledge of religion entirely derived from Fiddler on the Roof.
Broadway Christian: Knowledge of Jesus entirely derived from Godspell.
Broadway Muslim: Hoping for a revival of Kismet.
Freshman Year Religious: Asks professor to be excused from class for Yom Kippur, Eid al Adha, Mabon, and the beginning of the Ecclesiastical year for Orthodox Christians.
Freshman Year Spiritual: Into hackey sack.
Plane Ride Religious: Prays before the plane takes off and during turbulence.
Plane Ride Spiritual: Prays only during turbulence, beginning with, “So, if anyone up there can hear me…”
Plane Ride Atheist: During turbulence, takes iPhone out of airplane mode so they can watch The Gilmore Girls.
OCE: Attends church only on Christmas and Easter.
OCEOCD: Attends church only on Christmas and Easter but will not brook any other way of celebrating the holiday.
OCEOCDOBX: As above, lives in North Carolina.
IIFTCH: In It for the Coffee Hour.
IIFTCHIXNAY: Would go to services if not for the seemingly mandatory coffee hour.
FRFIOTLCT: Faking Religious Fervor in Order to Lower Child’s Tuition at church-affiliated school.
JLK: Just likes kneeling.