A Mother Takes Over Amazon Customer Service.
Thank you for your recent purchase! We invite you to submit a review of the product so that others can be better informed. It’s easy to submit a review! You just click, if we’re not mistaken. Of course, there’s no obligation, but a review would be the thoughtful thing to do. In addition, if you are interested in writing a follow-up thank-you note to the deliverymen, we have the envelopes already typed up and the extra 2-cent stamps. We know you always forget when the rate goes up.
P.S. We hope you enjoyed receiving this message. However, if you’d rather not get future messages of this sort, then we understand. We can certainly get out of your way.
Based on the items you recently purchased through our Internet webplace, we wanted to let you know that you’d probably also enjoy a selection from the popular Chicken Soup series, such as Chicken Soup for the Wayward Soul. Though we’re aware these books have nothing to do with either the uncut version of Kill Bill: Volume 1 (we understand there’s also a Volume 2) or the video games you still purchase at your age, we thought you might like to know. You can also save up to 30 percent when you buy related items together. Something to bear in mind, particularly if you are planning to continue to use the credit card.
Thinking of you,
P.S. Note that product prices, availability, and superficial attachment to new trends are subject to change.
Did you know you can update your customer profile at any time? We noticed you hadn’t yet included your current marital status or information about what kind of bachelor’s degree you hold. We do recall you mentioning before that this is not the place for such information, but it still couldn’t hurt. Who knows who might come across it and be inclined to pick up the phone and call? We’ll go ahead and add this for you.
P.S. Was this message helpful? As part of our ongoing mission to provide you with top-notch customer service, we’d like your feedback. Please respond by telling us “Yes, I found this message very helpful and considerate in many ways” or “No, I don’t tend to recognize when others are reaching out to me.”
We wanted to let you know that customers who bought the items you purchased were more likely to be turned down for promotions and have difficulty in social situations. Did you know you can also preorder items from our various Internet-type windows? There’s a whole section just for weddings, if you can believe it! The Hollenbaughs’ daughter had her whole registry here. We got her the nonstick crepe pan! We never had anything like this when we were your age.
P.S. This letter has gone on way too long. Take care!
We went ahead and bought you a warmer winter coat for your birthday. We realize it’s not until next month and that you claimed you didn’t really need it, but it was only $69.95, marked down from $125.00, almost a 50 percent savings! Other merchandisers would never be able to offer that. However, for us it was no trouble whatsoever. Don’t even mention it. We’re just glad we can be of help. Not every customer can be so fortunate, and who can say how much longer we’ll have the wherewithal and good health to do such things? Food for thought. Give us a call when you get a chance.
In our hearts each and every day,
P.S. We have your laundry. Please click here for additional terms and conditions.
SUGGESTED READSActual Reviews Posted on amazon.com by Me, in Utter Slack-Jawed Ignorance of the Books Involved, and with Grammatical Errors Intact
by Tim Church (2/7/2000)
A Review of Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead
by Bill Wasik (3/1/1999)
Maxwell’s Lyrics, or Maxwell’s Equations?
by Michael Genrich (8/9/1999)
RECENTLYMurder Beach is Open for Summer!
by Matt Bower (5/27/2016)
List: Ways in Which We Swipe Right After 34
by JoJo Franzen (5/27/2016)
Inside Witnesses: One Crime’s Many Narratives: Amy Makes it Home, Part 2
by Marti Jonjak (5/27/2016)
POPULARI Would Rather Do Anything Else Than Grade Your Final Papers
by Robin Lee Mozer (5/2/2016)
List: Things the World’s Most and Least Privileged People Say
by John-Clark Levin (5/19/2016)
List: Here Are Some Fucking Barefoot Contessa Cookbook Titles
by Micah Osler (9/30/2014)