A Selection From George W. Bush’s Eavesdropping Tapes: Matthew Barney And Björk Place An Ikea Phone Order.
BY CHRIS MCCOY
MATTHEW BARNEY: (On phone.) Matthew. Barney. Sure. It’s called the Flärke. F-L-A-R-K-E. It’s a bookshelf.
BJÖRK: (In background.) Ask if they have an aluminum igloo.
MATTHEW BARNEY: (Muffled.) I’m on hold. I’ll check when he gets back on.
BJÖRK: (Giggling.) Imagine if clouds were made of licorice!
MATTHEW BARNEY: Flärke. With an umlaut over the a. Also, my wife was curious if you sold aluminum … Yes, I can hold again.
BJÖRK: The winter makes me feel particularly blinkered.
MATTHEW BARNEY: The Flärke is in stock? Great. Another quick question. My wife is Scandinavian and she was wondering if you had any aluminum … All right, I can hold.
BJÖRK: Icelanders complete the echo with feel.
MATTHEW BARNEY: You’re kidding me. If you can’t deliver it, why do you have the option to order by phone?
BJÖRK: Pandas are sexy.
SUGGESTED READSPresident Obama Announces Changes to the NSA
by Jason O. Gilbert (1/22/2014)
The Women of the House Science Committee, as Classified by The Beach Boys
by Carol Magary (2/24/2000)
by Steven Seidenberg (1/25/2010)
RECENTLYA Generic College Paper
by Jon Wu (9/19/2014)
Norse History for Bostonians: The Prose Edda for Bostonians, Gylfaginning, Part X
by Rowdy Geirsson (9/19/2014)
List: Rejected Spaghetti Western Movie Titles
by Nancy Stohlman (9/19/2014)
POPULARClassic Movies Changed to Not Be Sexist
by Blythe Roberson (8/14/2014)
It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
by Colin Nissan (10/20/2009)
Best Joke Ever: Mitch Hedberg: Hippie Martian Zen Genius
by Mark Peters (8/28/2014)