A Selection From George W. Bush’s Eavesdropping Tapes: Matthew Barney And Björk Place An Ikea Phone Order.
BY CHRIS MCCOY
MATTHEW BARNEY: (On phone.) Matthew. Barney. Sure. It’s called the Flärke. F-L-A-R-K-E. It’s a bookshelf.
BJÖRK: (In background.) Ask if they have an aluminum igloo.
MATTHEW BARNEY: (Muffled.) I’m on hold. I’ll check when he gets back on.
BJÖRK: (Giggling.) Imagine if clouds were made of licorice!
MATTHEW BARNEY: Flärke. With an umlaut over the a. Also, my wife was curious if you sold aluminum … Yes, I can hold again.
BJÖRK: The winter makes me feel particularly blinkered.
MATTHEW BARNEY: The Flärke is in stock? Great. Another quick question. My wife is Scandinavian and she was wondering if you had any aluminum … All right, I can hold.
BJÖRK: Icelanders complete the echo with feel.
MATTHEW BARNEY: You’re kidding me. If you can’t deliver it, why do you have the option to order by phone?
BJÖRK: Pandas are sexy.
SUGGESTED READSPresident Obama Announces Changes to the NSA
by Jason O. Gilbert (1/22/2014)
The Women of the House Science Committee, as Classified by The Beach Boys
by Carol Magary (2/24/2000)
by Steven Seidenberg (1/25/2010)
RECENTLYWelcome to the Online Home of Gary, Indiana’s Premier Erotic Bakery
by Sarah Rosenshine (7/30/2015)
How to Find Love: Lessons from an Old Maid: Expiration, Single Lady
by Connie Sun (7/30/2015)
List: 25 Words Your Kindergartner Must Know Before First Grade
by David Tate (7/30/2015)
POPULARNobel Prize Winner Peter Higgs Regrets Fielding Your Physics-Based Dungeons and Dragons Questions
by Mark Rooke (7/8/2015)
Bay Area to Standard American English Translator
by Louis Weinstein (7/28/2015)
Toddler Discipline Made Easy
by Julie Vick (7/14/2015)