Send your list submissions to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Acts Prohibited by the U.S. House of Representatives’ Proposed Flag-Burning Amendment.
BY James Erwin
Burning the flag.
Touching the flag less than 30 minutes after eating.
Picking the flag last for dodgeball.
Staring at the flag’s cleavage.
Assuring the flag that you consider it a really good friend, and then pressuring it to sleep with you.
Sleeping with the flag and not calling the next day.
Sullenly agreeing to meet the flag at the coffee shop and staring into your coffee without talking.
Cutting off the flag’s pleading questions by yelling, “Get a life!”
Calling the flag’s best friend at 3 in the morning to talk about how the flag doesn’t understand you.
Coming within 100 yards of the flag in violation of the restraining order.
SUGGESTED READSA House for Dee Dee
by Christina Nunez (11/19/1999)
List: Perks No Longer Allowed to Congress Under the New Proposed Ethics Code
by Thomas Hynes (3/20/2006)
Open Letters: An Open Letter to Officials of the United States Government Regarding What’s New in My Reproductive Area
by Emily Weinstein (9/1/2004)
RECENTLYShort Story Template
by Peter Kispert (4/18/2014)
Monologue: The Holy Spirit Reacts to Jesus Sitting At the Right Hand of The Father
by Conor James McKeon (4/18/2014)
Putting the Biscuit in the Basket: A Review of Go for the Goal by Mia Hamm.
by Miles Wray (4/18/2014)