Flight 213, this is the control tower. What in the hell is going on in there?
Dead? The pilot is dead? Good God.
Who is this? Sharon? The flight attendant? Alright, look, I know you’re scared in there, kid, but I’m not gonna sugarcoat this: you’re gonna have to fly that plane.
Yes, I know you’re still on the tarmac! I can clearly see you on the runway. But you are scheduled to leave for New Jersey in five minutes! And if that pilot is as dead as you say he is, then you’re the only hope we got of getting that plane in the air on time.
We don’t have time to wait for the co-pilot! Those people have been settling into their seats for almost ten minutes. Most of those poor bastards have probably already turned off their cellular devices. We gotta get that plane in the air!
Pull it together, goddammit! You’re scared? Think how those passengers feel! They’re facing the death of their weekend plans for Newark, New Jersey! Do you want that? Then pull the throttle! That a girl! I see you! You’re taxiing. You’re fourth in line. You’re gonna get those people to Newark, New… wait a second.
It’s just… no one ever goes to just Newark. That’s just a way for people to get to… oh no. Those people are going to New York City! They have weekend plans in New York City!
Things just got real.
Pull it together again, goddammit! You can’t come back to the gate! You’re up to third in line now! Are you gonna walk back into that cabin and tell Susie Q she can’t go see The Addams Family on Broadway? Do you want to let Ma and Pa Kettle know they can’t see Central Park from the Top of the Rock? Do you want to tell Little Timmy he can’t visit any of the four Manhattan area Apple stores? I didn’t think so!
Now gently push the throttle! Yes! You’re second in line.
Holy Mother. OK, look kid, there’s no easy way to put this, but I was just handed the flight manifest of everyone aboard and… the President is on that plane. President of the 8th grade at Taylor Elementary, Alan Gillispie. And what’s more, he’s a sick little boy. Love sick. With Sara Newton. They’re in the same math class. This is one of the more detailed flight manifests I’ve seen. He’s the President and a sick little boy!
Maybe this is too much. Maybe this is too much for anyone. Maybe you should just taxi that plane right into a wall and kill all those people’s weekend plans!
What’s that, kid? You want me to tell you how to get that plane into the air? That’s right! That’s what I want to hear! Those people are gonna get to Newark or New York or maybe a connecting flight and live the rest of their beautiful lives! You’re up now for take off, kid. Pull back on that throttle and punch it! There you go! I see you! You’re taking off! You’re flying! You’re flying, kid! YOU DID IT!
Phew. Hell of a job, kid.
…
What do you mean, “Now what?”?