Open Letters to People or Entities Who Are Unlikely to Respond
Send your nonfictional open letters to email@example.com.
An Open Letter to Everyone Who, When Approaching the Door to the Office Suite Where I Am the Receptionist, Turns the Handle Down, Then Pushes the Door In, Thereby Causing a Loud Obnoxious Banging Sound, Looks Up at Me With Fear and Frustration in Their Ey
BY KURT CHIANG
To you people,
PULL the door open. Turn the handle any old way you want. But then PULL. Don’t push. Stop pushing the door. Pull. Pull it. The door will open if you pull it. I can’t stand that banging sound. No, it’s not locked. It’s unlocked. I unlocked it. Yes, I see you there. And I unlocked it. It works. The battery is not dead. I checked. I’m not playing a trick on you. Stop looking at me like that. And stop ringing the doorbell. Just pull. Pull the door.
SUGGESTED READSKevin Dolgin Tells You About Places You Should Go In Europe: The Door to Hell: Paris, France
by Kevin Dolgin (10/17/2004)
RECENTLYPlease Let Me Put My Disease-Riddled Hands All Over Your Baby!
by Jeremy Blachman (9/15/2014)
Speaking for All Christians Exactly Like Me: Ten Thousand Zombies in Bonnets
by Jordan Jeffers (9/15/2014)
List: Other Things Sheena Easton’s Baby Takes in Addition to the Morning Train
by Gary M. Almeter (9/15/2014)
POPULARA Post Gender Normative Man Tries to Pick Up a Woman at a Bar
by Jesse Eisenberg (12/28/2011)
Hello Stranger On the Street, Could You Please Tell Me How to Take Care of My Baby?
by Wendy Molyneux (8/16/2012)
Classic Movies Changed to Not Be Sexist
by Blythe Roberson (8/14/2014)