Open Letters to People or Entities Who Are Unlikely to Respond
Send your nonfictional open letters to email@example.com.
An Open Letter to J.J. Abrams Re: Lack of Fat People in Star Trek.
BY GARY RUDOREN
Not one dinner on Vulcan. Not even a late night munchie session on the bridge. You couldn’t fit in even one scene where the antagonistic protagonists, Kirk & Spock, discuss warp transmogrification speeds over a nosh, J.J.? Hell, those folks over on Law & Order trade quips about sordid homicides over Chinese takeout every episode.
Did I like the new Star Trek? Yes, the pacing was great, the characters’ back stories were engaging and the fight scenes thrilling, but as I was watching the movie I realized that amongst those tight form-fitting Starfleet uniforms there wasn’t one cadet who could pinch more than an inch. The hot green chick was a bit zaftig, I’ll give you that, but I couldn’t focus beyond the green cleavage. And honestly, for this husky fanboy, the lack of corpulence among the masses distracted me from the whole saving-the-earth thing.
Com’n, how could you re-imagine the Star Trek saga − the entire future of our universe for that matter − and not include some “real” people? I’m not asking for flabby leads. I’m not asking for character actors (meaning chunky) who get billed with an “and.” I would just be happy if you allowed a few chubbies in the background of some tracking shot through the SS Enterprise, but apparently your casting department somehow determined that society won’t tolerate love handles or muffin tops in the haute couture of the future. Am I upset? Yes. Am I fat? You betcha.
Is this your vision of the future, J.J.? In 2388, scary bald Romulans who look like Ultimate Fighting undercard losers get a lot of screen time, but anyone who might look like George Costanza won’t be allowed to live in the Federation? I felt like this was a “Logan’s Run for Fatties”-type statement. Case in point: Scottie. Love Simon Pegg. Very funny guy and he adds great energy to the film, but apparently, you’ve only proven to me that when Scotttie was younger he was smarter, still put-upon AND skinnier. Maybe in the next installation of the series we’ll get to see some crucial scene where we see how Scottie’s eating disorder effects the mission, but I’m not holding my breath.
Now to be fair, you also created one of my favorite shows, Lost, featuring one of my favorite characters of heft, Hurley. But then I was thinking that even if Jorge Garcia wanted to lose weight in real life, by putting him in a popular series with a story that mostly takes place over the course of a couple of months you’ve trapped him into your cruel joke of making him STAY fat, more or less forever.
I’m not looking to reign in your talents, I’m only pleading for compassion towards a large, but ironically unseen, majority of our ever-growing populace who, logically would still be around in 2388 or whenever. I bet even the toned-up Mr. Spock would have to agree with this logic.
Mr. Abrams, like most people with a few score extra pounds, I might appear sensitive to this issue, but I’m also humble enough to admit that maybe I’m wrong. I was so caught up in trying to figure out the time travel stuff and staring at Uhuru’s legs that perhaps I missed something.
Gary T. Rudoren
SUGGESTED READSSpoilers from the Endings of Future Remakes of the 1970 Film Love Story
by Dustin Kurtz (9/14/2010)
Those Heady Days Are Behind Us Now: A Review of Bicentennial Man
by Paul Maliszewski (1/24/2000)
I am the Orson Welles of Powerpoint
by Oyl Miller (9/16/2010)
RECENTLYHow to Write Good Sex Scenes
by Mike Lacher (12/19/2014)
Snopes Investigates the Anderson Family’s Holiday Letter
by Allen Rein (12/19/2014)
@thereal_saintfrancis_: Peace on Earth
by Nick Farrell and Rachel Farrell (12/19/2014)
POPULARProduct Review: The Invisible Backpack of White Privilege from L.L. Bean
by Joyce Miller (12/18/2014)
I Am an Artisanal Attorney
by John Frank Weaver (12/12/2014)
A Farewell to Hemnes: Ernest Hemingway Assembles an IKEA Daybed Frame With Three Drawers
by Jeff Steinbrink (12/2/2014)