Open Letters to People or Entities Who Are Unlikely to Respond
Send your nonfictional open letters to firstname.lastname@example.org.
An Open Letter to My Male Gynecologist.
Dear Dr. Cohen,
Thank you for my Pap smear. It was truly an enlightening experience. To answer your questions, though—no, no I have never had sex before. Yes, really. Yes, I’m a virgin. Yes, I really am. No, no I’m not Catholic. Yes, I am twenty-one. Nope. Nope. Never had sex before. I really haven’t. Really. Yes, I’m serious. Thank you, I like to think I’m attractive. Yes, I have had one boyfriend. No, no he didn’t break up with me. I broke up with him. No, no I haven’t had a boyfriend in two years. Yes, I guess that is quite a while. Yes, I do put myself out there. No, I don’t think my standards in relationships are too high. No, no I don’t think I’m too hard on boys my age.
Yes. Virgin. I’m a virgin. Virgin virgin virgin virgin virgin.
SUGGESTED READSA Review of the Photography In My Gynecologist’s Office
by Kyria Abrahams (10/19/2009)
by Brian Bieber (1/12/2004)
John Moe’s Pop Song Correspondences: A Memo Distributed Among the “Project Loverboy” Staff, Regarding “Turn Me Loose.”
by John Moe (2/16/2005)
RECENTLYA Guide to All the Jesuses
by Gary M. Almeter (10/5/2015)
A New Road
by Jane Dough (10/5/2015)
List: State Mottos You Can Say During Sex
by Pete Lynch (10/5/2015)
POPULARIt’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
by Colin Nissan (9/23/2015)
List: Nihilistic Password Security Questions
by Soheil Rezayazdi (10/2/2015)
Facepalm Pilot: Where Technology Meets Stupidity: An Interactive Guide to Ambiguous Grammar
by Vijith Assar (9/3/2015)