I am very sorry if I offended you by staring at you. My actions were wrong. But please allow me to explain. The pants you were wearing were constructed from a material that reflects light. My eyes, like the eyes of other members of my species, are attracted to bright objects. Subway lamps sent light toward the floor, which your pants intercepted. Reflective fibers from your pants and the angle of the skintight fabric on your hindquarters. The gentle agitations of the train were moving you, and the reflection repeatedly caught my eye. Powerless, I observed this miracle of science for some time. Then your friend whispered something in your ear and you turned toward me, revealing what this combination of factors compelled me to do. You commenced telling me where I could go when my afterlife begins. Thankfully, at this point the train arrived at my stop and I left the uncomfortable situation. Once again, I am sorry.
Sincerely,
Chris Gorski