Open Letters to People or Entities Who Are Unlikely to Respond
Send your nonfictional open letters to firstname.lastname@example.org.
An Open Letter to the Young Woman on the Subway Who Screamed at Me September 21, 2003, at Approximately 11:30 p.m.
BY CHRIS GORSKI
I am very sorry if I offended you by staring at you. My actions were wrong. But please allow me to explain. The pants you were wearing were constructed from a material that reflects light. My eyes, like the eyes of other members of my species, are attracted to bright objects. Subway lamps sent light toward the floor, which your pants intercepted. Reflective fibers from your pants and the angle of the skintight fabric on your hindquarters. The gentle agitations of the train were moving you, and the reflection repeatedly caught my eye. Powerless, I observed this miracle of science for some time. Then your friend whispered something in your ear and you turned toward me, revealing what this combination of factors compelled me to do. You commenced telling me where I could go when my afterlife begins. Thankfully, at this point the train arrived at my stop and I left the uncomfortable situation. Once again, I am sorry.
SUGGESTED READSList: Rejected Pictures For Commemorative New York Subway Fare Cards
by Dan Kennedy (10/4/2000)
The Elements Of Subway Announcement Style
by Ken Krimstein (6/13/2006)
List: Actually Heard on the New York City Subway/Never Heard on the New York City Subway
by John Parsley (7/29/2002)
RECENTLYA Brief Disclaimer Regarding the Think Piece You’re About to Read
by Maura Quint (5/4/2016)
How to Be a Better Teacher-Person Through Apathy: On the Hierarchy of English Professors, a Nomenclature: Scholar-Type, Teacher-Type, Artist-Type
by John Minichillo (5/4/2016)
List: Breaking Beyond the 4th Wall
by Marco Kaye (5/4/2016)
POPULARI Would Rather Do Anything Else Than Grade Your Final Papers
by Robin Lee Mozer (5/2/2016)
List: Titles of Bach Chorales, as Translated By My Niece After One Semester of German
by Nolan Bonvouloir (4/15/2016)
How to Negotiate a Raise (If You’re a Woman)
by Maura Quint (4/15/2016)