A McSweeney’s Kickstarter Update!

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We need just 414 more backers (at any amount—even $1!) in order to get an additional $20,000 from MailChimp. Their support is within reach—and will go a long way toward helping us get more great writing into the world—but we need everyone’s help to get there! If you’ve already backed this campaign, your pledge will count toward the backer challenge. We can’t thank you enough for supporting us!

Visit our Kickstarter page to pledge your support.

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List: Things I Imagine My Boss Does When He Goes Home for the Night
by Nick Pyle (5/4/2005)

Open Letters: An Open Letter to Shrink-Wrap
by Christopher Dazey (5/4/2005)

List: Last Names Clearly Derived From Ancestral Professions
by Sam Means (5/3/2005)

Monologue: Bit Bit, Speak!: A Monologue From the Canine Companion Of Britney Spears And Kevin Federline
by Kathy Cacace (5/3/2005)

List: The Settings That Would Be On a Blender Today If the Blender Had Been Invented, Say, 100 Years Before Its Actual Invention Date of 1922
by Steve Schneider (5/2/2005)

Understanding the Seattle SuperSonics by Comparing Them to Girls You May Have Dated in College
by Charlie Williams (5/2/2005)

The Settings That Would Be On A Blender Today If The Blender Had Been Invented, Say, 100 Years Before Its Actual Invention Date Of 1922
by Steve Schneider (5/2/2005)

Dispatches From a Real McSweeney: Golf Is a Dangerous Game
by Timothy McSweeney (5/1/2005)

List: Reasons We Can’t Have a Baby, Honey
by Geoff Smith (4/29/2005)

List: Titles of Sermons to Which Congregants Might Actually Pay Attention
by Jason Kellett (4/29/2005)

Are You Falling In Love With Your Excess Body Fat?
by Eric Silver (4/29/2005)

List: Good Casino Ads / Bad Things for Someone to Say About Your Mom
by Molly Dolan (4/29/2005)

The Gay Agenda
by L. (4/28/2005)

Interviews With People Who Have Interesting or Unusual Jobs: An Interview with Matt Haze, Former Movie Extra
by Suzanne Yeagley (4/27/2005)

What I Would Be Thinking About If I Were Billy Joel Driving Toward a Holiday Party Where I Knew There Was Going to Be a Piano
by Michael Ian Black (4/27/2005)

List: Translated Thoughts and Questions That Are Running Through a North Korean Refugee’s Mind When He Is Awarded Political Asylum in the United States, Settles Down, Turns on the Television, and the First Thing He Sees Is a Fancy Feast Cat-Food Commercial
by David Aldridge (4/26/2005)

A Brief History of Bacon: A Quarter Century of Washington Basketball
by The Wizznutzz (4/26/2005)

Translated Thoughts And Questions That Are Running Through A North Korean Refugee’s Mind When He Is Awarded Political Asylum In The United States, Settles Down, Turns On The Television, And The First Thing He Sees Is A Fancy Feast Cat Food Commercial
by David Aldridge (4/26/2005)

Open Letters: An Open Letter to the Dead Joints in My Feet
by Jen Shipon (4/26/2005)

A Treasury Of Modern Love Stories To Fill The Void Between Valentine’s Day And Sweetest Day
by Anthony Jaffe (4/25/2005)

Expert Help for Your Fantasy Baseball Franchise: Essential Choices Regarding a Roster Composed Entirely of Fictional Characters Played by Kevin Costner
by Rick Paulas (4/25/2005)

List: Actual Ways I Have Been Flirted With That, in the Future, I Wish You Would Refrain From, With Explanations as to Why, and Suggestions for Alternative Methods
by Aimee Hennessy (4/22/2005)

List: Things This City Was Built On, Besides Rock ‘n’ Roll
by Eric March (4/22/2005)

List: Fortune-Cookie Sayings That Are Misleading and, At Times, Dangerous When Used as Road Signs
by Justin Kahn (4/22/2005)

If Only They Kept Diaries: Barbie
by Jeff Steinbrink (4/22/2005)

Open Letters: An Open Letter to the Exorbitant Sum of Money I Just Inherited From My Grandfather, Whom I Didn’t Really Like
by Josh Cohen (4/22/2005)

Monologue: Microsoft Office Assistant: The Paper Clip
by Justin Kahn (4/21/2005)

List: Kanye West’s Lyric “The Way School Need Teachers / The Way Kathie Lee Needed Regis / That’s the Way I Need Jesus,” Adapted for Other Religions
by Martin Bell (4/20/2005)

List: Reasons to Fear Canada
by Sean Carman (4/20/2005)

List: The Next Thing Said After Select Famous Phrases
by Marc Tyler Nobleman (4/20/2005)

McSweeney’s is a publishing company based in San Francisco.
As well as operating a daily humor website, we also publish Timothy McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, the Believer, and an ever-growing selection of books under various imprints. You can buy all of these things from our online store. We’re also transitioning to a nonprofit and would greatly appreciate your help. You can support us today by donating to our Kickstarter campaign.