List: Excerpts From the “Band Members Wanted” Section of the New York Musicians’ Exchange (Circa 1987)
by John Dadey (9/9/2005)

List: Poker Terminology I Feel I Could Get Away With Saying If I Ever Played a Tournament
by Andy Sutherland (9/9/2005)

Abercrombie: A Journey Into the Heart of Toolness
by Lance Huffman (9/9/2005)

Dispatches From a Real McSweeney: Synge-Song for Osama, or The Playboy Revisited
by Timothy McSweeney (9/8/2005)

Short Essays on Favorite Songs, Inspired by Nick Hornby’s Songbook: “Willy” by Joni Mitchell
by Jennifer O'Reilly (9/8/2005)

“The Aristocrats” as I Think Bob Newhart Would Perform It
by Tabetha Wells (9/8/2005)

Traig & McGrath, Shut-In Detectives: Cases 38 & 39
by Jenny Traig and Peter McGrath (9/7/2005)

Things Hagrid the Half-Giant Would Say If He Served Jesus Instead of Harry Potter
by Hart Seely (9/6/2005)

Dispatches From a Public Librarian: Dispatch 19: Advice to Future Librarians Entering Graduate School
by Scott Douglas (9/6/2005)

Sestina: Ground Rules at Isla Verde Beach
by Kevin A. González (9/6/2005)

Kevin Dolgin Tells You About Places You Should Go In Europe: Knockin’ on Heaven’s Nostril: The Daibutsu, Nara, Japan
by Kevin Dolgin (9/4/2005)

List: Not-So-Good Names for Murder Mysteries
by Kevin Thoreson (9/2/2005)

List: Places You Might Find Jesus
by Jessy Henderson (9/2/2005)

List: Directors’ Commentaries From My DVD Collection
by John Mancini (9/2/2005)

John Moe’s Pop Song Correspondences: A Letter From “The Power” to Public Enemy
by John Moe (9/2/2005)

Rejected Submissions for Starbucks’ “The Way I See It”
by Tim Williams (9/1/2005)

I Wish I Could Say This Is the First Time I’ve Been Handcuffed to a Radiator
by John Howell Harris (8/31/2005)

Urgent Proposal
by Teddy Wayne (8/30/2005)

Sestina: WTF Sestina
by Meghann Marco (8/30/2005)

Interviews With People Who Have Interesting or Unusual Jobs: An Interview with Krista, Activities Director for a Retirement Community
by Suzanne Yeagley (8/29/2005)

Monologue: Trent, From Swingers, Performs an Exorcism
by Adam J. Silver (8/29/2005)

List: Totalitarian Institutions That Would Have Been More Fitting for George Orwell’s 1984, Considering How That Year Turned Out
by Patrick Cassels (8/26/2005)

List: Chapter Titles From My Creationist Textbook
by David Ng (8/26/2005)

Last Will and Testament of Patrick W. Dunkler, Conspiracy Theorist
by Christopher Hynes (8/26/2005)

Trying to Translate What My Girlfriend Is Saying in Swedish While She’s on the Phone to Her Mother
by Dan Kennedy (8/25/2005)

Expert Help for Your Fantasy Baseball Franchise: Mailbag Five
by Rick Paulas (8/25/2005)

Sestina: Eazy-E in Hell
by Richard D. Allen (8/25/2005)

Dispatches From Adjunct Faculty at a Large State University: Dispatch 3: On Tenacity
by Oronte Churm (8/24/2005)

Your New Personal Trainer
by Jason Roeder (8/24/2005)

Your Children Are Destroying the Neighborhood
by Elizabeth Urello (8/23/2005)

McSweeney’s is a publishing company based in San Francisco.
As well as operating a daily humor website, we also publish Timothy McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, the Believer, and an ever-growing selection of books under various imprints. You can buy all of these things from our online store. We’re also transitioning to a nonprofit and would greatly appreciate your help. You can support us today by making a donation.