List: Lyrics From Pavement’s Slanted and Enchanted That Sound Like They Could Be Slogans Shouted by Protesters During the Republican National Convention Speeches
by C. Mason Wells (9/3/2004)

by Sean Carman (9/2/2004)

List: Dave Matthews Band Lyrics That Take On New Meaning in Light of the Recent Brouhaha Surrounding One of Its Bus Drivers, Who Allegedly Dumped the Contents of the Excrement Tank off of a Chicago River Bridge and Onto the Deck of a Tour Boat
by Dan Bruno (9/1/2004)

List: Alternatives to the “LOVE HATE” Knuckle Tattoo in Order of Increasing Rarity
by Charlie Gschwend and Tony Fassu (9/1/2004)

List: Lines Not Used in Coors Light’s “Accomplishments” Advertising Campaign
by Kevin Cahillane (9/1/2004)

List: Very Wrong Ways to Eat a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup
by Andrew McDonnell (9/1/2004)

Open Letters: An Open Letter to Officials of the United States Government Regarding What’s New in My Reproductive Area
by Emily Weinstein (9/1/2004)

Saddam Hussein, Master of the Limerick
by Joe O'Neill (8/31/2004)

Sestina: Sestina in Translation
by Paul Killebrew (8/30/2004)

John Moe’s Pop Song Correspondences: A Letter to Elvis Presley From His Hound Dog
by John Moe (8/30/2004)

Open Letters: An Open Letter to Cable News Organizations
by Evan Thies (8/27/2004)

List: E-mail Addresses It Would Be Really Annoying to Give Out Over the Phone
by Michael Ward (8/27/2004)

List: Horrible Movies Made Worse by an Infusion of Political Agenda
by David Cristofano (8/27/2004)

List: Horse Equipment or Dance From the ’60s?
by Brook Crawley (8/27/2004)

Expert Help for Your Fantasy Baseball Franchise: Tales of the Heckle
by Rick Paulas (8/27/2004)

Kevin Dolgin Tells You About Places You Should Go In Europe: Mickey Mouse and Marshal Zhukov: Manezh Square, Moscow
by Kevin Dolgin (8/26/2004)

Dispatches From a Public Librarian: Dispatch 10: Librarian Confessions
by Scott Douglas (8/26/2004)

List: VH1’s Top 10 Songs of the Last 25 Years, Rearranged Into Eight Better Songs
by Chris Harvey (8/25/2004)

List: Hip-Hop Artist or Entry on U.S. Government Terrorist Watch List?
by Josh Michtom (8/25/2004)

Sestina: Antique Postcards
by Matthew Zapruder and Meredith Walters (8/24/2004)

List: Words That Could Conceivably Be Used to Describe Both Sherpas and Sherbet
by Michael Ward (8/23/2004)

List: Oft-Overlooked Benefits Enjoyed by Men with Female Names
by Matt Stewart (8/23/2004)

List: Logging Terms You Wouldn’t Want to Use at a Debutante Ball
by Eric Maierson (8/23/2004)

List: Things Which Smell Good, But Which Nevertheless Should Not Be Made Into Candle Scents
by Ebony Adams and Julie deGroot (8/23/2004)

The A-Team Resolves Lapses in Homeland Security
by Ryan Boudinot (8/23/2004)

Short Essays on Favorite Songs, Inspired by Nick Hornby’s Songbook: “Bathtub Gin” by Phish
by B.R. Cohen (8/19/2004)

List: The New Superstitions: M&M Colors and the Conditions They Cause
by Jim Connelly (8/17/2004)

List: Reasons to Use the New Aquafresh Extreme Clean Toothpaste with Micro-active Foaming Action (from Advertisements, News Releases, and the Product-Safety Data Sheet)
by Cheryl Bowles (8/17/2004)

List: New Names for Previously Recalled Pharmaceuticals Being Remarketed to Take Advantage of Their Side Effects
by Chris Steck (8/17/2004)

Monologue: Meat Loaf: On Commitment to Varsity Cheerleaders
by Kevin O. Cuinn (8/17/2004)

McSweeney’s is a publishing company based in San Francisco.
As well as operating a daily humor website, we also publish Timothy McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, the Believer, and an ever-growing selection of books under various imprints. You can buy all of these things from our online store. We’re also transitioning to a nonprofit and would greatly appreciate your help. Click the button to donate. Thank you!