Open Letters: An Open Letter to the Fake Boobs My Husband Bought His Ex Girlfriend
by Milla Wicks (4/13/2005)

Yahoo’s Mailer Daemon Automated Reply For Failed E-Mail Delivery Is Getting A Little Too Intimate
by Teddy Wayne (4/12/2005)

Expert Help for Your Fantasy Baseball Franchise: Mailbag Four
by Rick Paulas (4/12/2005)

Sestina: Oratio Moderna
by Ethan Paquin (4/11/2005)

Excerpt From The Neurotic’s Guide To Shanghai
by J. Chris Rock (4/11/2005)

List: Things That Did Not Stay in Vegas
by Frayn Masters and Kevin Sampsell (4/9/2005)

List: Live-Action Role-Playing Spells I Could Really Use, Right Now
by Daniel Manning (4/9/2005)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper: Part 13
by Dan Kennedy (4/9/2005)

Dispatches From a Public Librarian: Dispatch 16: Jeffica
by Scott Douglas (4/8/2005)

A Realistic Assessment Of How Many 12 Year Olds I Could Beat Up Before They Overtook Me
by Matt Schweiger (4/8/2005)

Opening Day Genesis
by Glenn Birkemeier (4/7/2005)

Open Letters: An Open Letter to Ryan Funk
by Andrew Willey (4/7/2005)

List: What I Thought a Co-worker Meant When She Said “I Hope Things Don’t Get Weird” After We Had Sex, and What She Really Meant, It Turns Out
by Chris Wallace (4/6/2005)

List: Sex is Like Pizza Because…
by Mike Sacks and Ted Travelstead (4/6/2005)

List: Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations
by Martin Bell (4/6/2005)

My Apartment: An Interpretive Dance in Three Parts
by Pasha Malla (4/6/2005)

Sestina: Spring Break Sestina
by Alison D. DeJesus, Allyson M. Miller, Amanda M. Kiscoe, Daniel A. Hoyt, Shawn R. Gaines and Thomas C. Lill (4/6/2005)

List: Things You Will Still Be Able to Do After the Collapse of Society As We Know It, Provided Your Postapocalyptic Vision Aligns With Kevin Costner’s
by Joseph Faison (4/5/2005)

List: ’80s Lineups That Read Like Tabloid Headlines
by Evany Thomas (4/5/2005)

Monologue: What It Is to Love and Lose: Groucho Marx
by Ben Greenman (4/4/2005)

Your Best Guy Friend Is Me
by Nick Confalone (4/4/2005)

List: Jean-Claude Van Damme’s Kickboxer, or the Belligerent Asshole Who Just Cost Me My Job at the Bar?
by Brett Burns (4/1/2005)

List: Ten Very Hip Poems That Didn’t Go Over So Well at the Poetry Slam Last Weekend
by Kevin Holiday (4/1/2005)

List: Sure Signs Your Vegan Co-op Has Been Taken Over by the Marx Brothers
by Claire Harlan-Orsi (4/1/2005)

Gamble Like a Pro With This Exclusive Final Four Insider Information
by Anthony Jaffe (4/1/2005)

Open Letters: An Open Letter to Global Warming
by Mike Ward (3/31/2005)

List: Self-Delusional Statements Made by My First (And Hopefully Last) Ex-Fiancé
by Lynette Cain (3/30/2005)

List: Unspoken Afterthoughts to Childhood Catch Phrases
by Matthew Zils (3/30/2005)

List: Three Things I Learned While Using the Lavatory at Local Boston-Area Restaurants
by Jonathan Pickering (3/30/2005)

The Thrusting Ape Health and Fitness Club: Member Testimonials
by Tim Coffield (3/30/2005)

McSweeney’s is a publishing company based in San Francisco.
As well as operating a daily humor website, we also publish Timothy McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, the Believer, and an ever-growing selection of books under various imprints. You can buy all of these things from our online store. We’re also transitioning to a nonprofit and would greatly appreciate your help. You can support us today by making a donation.