To whom it may concern (you don’t provide
names, only email, on your HotJobs post.
Too bad. Makes cover letters more human,
to greet you with your name): I don’t have much
experience, but hope I can come off
friendly, at least, to get your attention.
Adapts to change. Some Spanish. Attention
to detail. MS Office. Can provide
references… well, professors. Don’t write me off,
no work credentials, as a recent post-
grad, but at school I worked so hard, so much,
that Mom kept saying: you’re only human.
Don’t know your name, just that you’re in Human
Resources, peeved that time and attention
were used up by this letter, way too much
gimmick, too little fact. ‘He can’t provide
us with a real c.v.? I wrote that post.
It’s insulting, just where does he get off?’
But wait! don’t huff and click this window off.
I’ll prove I am the best man, uh, human
for your generic entry-level post.
Fuck c.v’s. Let’s divert our attention
to my photo, and stats I there provide:
Build. Fetishes. How tall, how long. How much.
HotJobs says ‘just be friendly,’ I’ve got much
more, and can show you just where I get off.
When I’m not xeroxing, I can provide
‘hot jobs.’ Don’t know your sex, but you’re human,
right? Bring this to your staffers’ attention:
Yng male sex slave. Can wk immed. Pls post.
Job market sucks, though it says in the Post
that our recession’s over. Don’t mean much,
while I search jobs, desperate for attention.
Ha, last March, I was desperate for time off.
My mom consoles me: I’m only human.
She hates her job, stayed so she could provide.
Next job demands attention. Must sign off.
Thanks much. Email, or call (phone’s more human),
or mail by post, with stamps, which I’d provide.