$#*! Berlusconi Says.
BY BEN GREENMAN
[HENRY is sitting home alone, watching football on TV. There is a knock at the door. He opens it up to find Italian Prime Minister SILVIO BERLUSCONI. The audience applauds.
SILVIO: What is that on the television?
SILVIO: It is a game for thugs. It has none of the beauty of soccer. And why are those men all so tan when they’re playing inside? He turns to the camera Am I right? Mamma mia!
HENRY: The game is just starting.
SILVO: Why is that man with the striped shirt flipping a coin? You leave your games to luck?
HENRY: No. It’s to see who gets the ball first.
SILVIO: And why is he putting the coin in his pocket? Is he a Jew? He turns to the camera Am I right? Mamma mia!
The phone rings. HENRY answers.
SILVIO: Is it for me? Is it a young prostitute? Tell her “You’re welcome.”
HENRY: No, it’s my girlfriend. She’s coming over in a little while.
SILVIO: You don’t sound happy. Is it you are a homosexual? He turns to the camera Am I right? Mamma mia!
HENRY: No, it’s because she had a talk with her father about me.
HENRY: He and I don’t see eye to eye.
SILVIO: Is he like Hitler?
HENRY: Not exactly.
SILVIO: Too bad. I was starting to like the guy. He turns to the camera Am I right? Mamma mia!
[HENRY’s girlfriend LUCY comes in. She is an attractive blonde.
LUCY: Hi, Henry.
SILVIO: Buona sera, signora.
LUCY: Have we met?
SILVIO: I don’t know. What do you charge?
HENRY: Silvio, please. I don’t pay to go to bed with her.
SILVIO: No? You get it for free? That Jewish referee would be so proud. He turns to the camera Am I right? Mamma mia!
SUGGESTED READSGodzilla in Delaware, Era of the Revolution.
by Andy Battaglia (7/20/1999)
Honest-to-God Trivia Questions From “TV Guide’s TV Game,” a Board Game Manufactured in 1984
by Michael Colton (2/23/2000)
Eyewitness News, With Tom Denardo and Cheryl Clayburn
by Seth Reiss (9/23/2010)
RECENTLYReasons You Were Not Promoted That are Totally Unrelated to Gender
by Homa Mojtabai (1/27/2015)
Monologue: I am the Fucking Managing Editor of the Weather.com Homepage
by Ariel Pressman (1/27/2015)
List: Things I’m “All About” Now That I’ve Turned 47
by Mike Zuckerman (1/27/2015)
POPULARJamie and Jeff’s Birth Plan
by Paul William Davies (12/26/2012)
Product Review: The Invisible Backpack of White Privilege from L.L. Bean
by Joyce Miller (12/31/2014)
An Honest Letter from Your I.T. Department
by Greg Edwards (1/7/2015)