Brett Ratner’s Notes for His Film Version of The Road by Cormac McCarthy.
Possibilities to play the father/son duo:
- Brad Pitt and Maddox Jolie-Pitt. If so, have them ride around on ATVs instead of walking. Walking is boring.
- Will Smith and Jaden Smith. Loved them together in Pursuit of Happyness. Maybe talk to Will about doing a hot soundtrack. Would Will’s wife play movie wife? Remember to ask. Also, in book, wife is dead. Rewrite this. Have her be alive and like blowjobs.
- Father needs “buddy.” See if Jackie Chan is available. If not, maybe Andy Dick?
- If we switch the father/son to mother/daughter, get Angelina and Shiloh. Keep ATVs
In book, we don’t find out how the world ended. Must show in movie version. Possible scenarios:
- Alien robots
- Girls in bikinis accidentally blow up nuclear power station by hitting self-destruct button with their big, round butts
- Or boobs
If we go with robots as destroyers of Earth, robots should still be chasing the people. Also, maybe change name from The Road to The Robots.
If we decide to rewrite as comedy, see if Sandler is available for May production start.
In book, the father and son find an underground shelter stocked with supplies where they can hide out and regroup. Change to underground strip club where father gets lap dance from two sexy Chinese girls (twins?). Wife is OK with this because she is bisexual.
Can this movie make $100 million? No. It can make $200 million.
Switch shopping cart to Hummer or Bentley. (Which is more apocalyptic? Look on Internet.)
When the guy steals all of their supplies, instead of making the guy take off all his clothes but then letting him go, change it to a girl who takes off all her clothes (Alyssa Milano?).
When the father and son discover the boat, boat should be loaded with machine guns and hand grenades. Also, smart sharks.
In book, they say “carrying the fire” and it’s some kind of abstract thing about carrying the spirit of humanity around in a time of hopelessness. Afraid people will not get. What if “fire” is a secret weapon that will restore atmosphere and kill the robots? Or it turns out at the end that boy can shoot fire out of eyes and mouth? He’s like a messiah guy, but a fire-shooting-eyes messiah guy.
Will need good sound bites for trailer. Maybe at one point son is sad about something stupid and father says, “It’s not the end of the world!” Then son gives him ironic look. Love it.
Maybe they are not father and son, but one is a cop and the other is a martial-arts expert?
Everything takes place in Miami?
Maybe wife doesn’t like blowjobs—wife really likes blowjobs.
SUGGESTED READSSir Isaac Newton’s Notes, Before the Discovery of Gravity
by Jamie Allen (3/29/2005)
This is a Bank Robbery
by Jim Stallard (3/11/2010)
Note To My Mother-In-Law Outlining Protocall for Babysitting My Son for the First Time
by Frank Tempone (4/17/2003)
RECENTLYWilliam Blake, Color Analyst for the Atlanta Braves
by Walter Jones (9/17/2014)
A Story from John Warner’s New Collection, Tough Day for the Army
by John Warner (9/17/2014)
Testomania: Did You Go to One of the Best Schools in the World?
by Janet Manley (9/17/2014)
POPULARClassic Movies Changed to Not Be Sexist
by Blythe Roberson (8/14/2014)
Best Joke Ever: Mitch Hedberg: Hippie Martian Zen Genius
by Mark Peters (8/28/2014)
Hello Stranger On the Street, Could You Please Tell Me How to Take Care of My Baby?
by Wendy Molyneux (8/16/2012)