Brett Ratner’s Notes for His Film Version of The Road by Cormac McCarthy.
Possibilities to play the father/son duo:
- Brad Pitt and Maddox Jolie-Pitt. If so, have them ride around on ATVs instead of walking. Walking is boring.
- Will Smith and Jaden Smith. Loved them together in Pursuit of Happyness. Maybe talk to Will about doing a hot soundtrack. Would Will’s wife play movie wife? Remember to ask. Also, in book, wife is dead. Rewrite this. Have her be alive and like blowjobs.
- Father needs “buddy.” See if Jackie Chan is available. If not, maybe Andy Dick?
- If we switch the father/son to mother/daughter, get Angelina and Shiloh. Keep ATVs
In book, we don’t find out how the world ended. Must show in movie version. Possible scenarios:
- Alien robots
- Girls in bikinis accidentally blow up nuclear power station by hitting self-destruct button with their big, round butts
- Or boobs
If we go with robots as destroyers of Earth, robots should still be chasing the people. Also, maybe change name from The Road to The Robots.
If we decide to rewrite as comedy, see if Sandler is available for May production start.
In book, the father and son find an underground shelter stocked with supplies where they can hide out and regroup. Change to underground strip club where father gets lap dance from two sexy Chinese girls (twins?). Wife is OK with this because she is bisexual.
Can this movie make $100 million? No. It can make $200 million.
Switch shopping cart to Hummer or Bentley. (Which is more apocalyptic? Look on Internet.)
When the guy steals all of their supplies, instead of making the guy take off all his clothes but then letting him go, change it to a girl who takes off all her clothes (Alyssa Milano?).
When the father and son discover the boat, boat should be loaded with machine guns and hand grenades. Also, smart sharks.
In book, they say “carrying the fire” and it’s some kind of abstract thing about carrying the spirit of humanity around in a time of hopelessness. Afraid people will not get. What if “fire” is a secret weapon that will restore atmosphere and kill the robots? Or it turns out at the end that boy can shoot fire out of eyes and mouth? He’s like a messiah guy, but a fire-shooting-eyes messiah guy.
Will need good sound bites for trailer. Maybe at one point son is sad about something stupid and father says, “It’s not the end of the world!” Then son gives him ironic look. Love it.
Maybe they are not father and son, but one is a cop and the other is a martial-arts expert?
Everything takes place in Miami?
Maybe wife doesn’t like blowjobs—wife really likes blowjobs.
SUGGESTED READSSir Isaac Newton’s Notes, Before the Discovery of Gravity
by Jamie Allen (3/29/2005)
This is a Bank Robbery
by Jim Stallard (3/11/2010)
Note To My Mother-In-Law Outlining Protocall for Babysitting My Son for the First Time
by Frank Tempone (4/17/2003)
RECENTLYLost Scenes from Generic Hipster Indie Romance Films Found in 2076 During a Museum Restoration of an Old MacBook Air and Subsequently Adapted for the Stage During Heritage Week at a Camp for 7th and 8th Graders Later That Summer
by Bethany Billman (7/22/2014)
McSweeney’s Quarterly Presents: The Road to 50
by McSweeney's (7/22/2014)
I Like Big Brass and I Cannot Lie: Confessions from the Tuba World: Enough Tuba Talk—Let’s Listen
by Elizabeth Eshelman (7/22/2014)
POPULAROur Band Only Sold One Copy of Our Album and We’d Like it Back
by Jake Tuck (6/26/2014)
List: Lines from The Princess Bride that Double as Comments on Freshman Composition Papers
by Jennifer Simonson (2/23/2012)
Client Feedback On the Creation of the Earth
by Mike Lacher (5/30/2014)