“You robber barons, I consider you my base.”

“These Mexican people are guerrillas, OK? They hate our culture. They hate our way of life. And they hate our slavery.”

“My opponent wants to let Freemasons decide American foreign policy. I disagree.”

“There’s an old saying in the Republic of Texas—I know it’s in Texas, probably the Oregon Territory, too—that says, ‘You can’t help but forget, I mean, the Alamo’s got to be forgotten.’ Always remember that.”

“I cannot support the ads from Tippecanoe Veterans for Truth, but there are some doubts raised. I wonder, how much damage did the musket ball truly do to his leg?”

“Literacy is an enormous issue today. That’s why we have proposed the No Caucasian Child Left Behind initiative, with a goal of 10 percent literacy by 1860. Because we owe it to our Caucasian children.”

“It is simply not true that we lacked support for the Mexican War. Our coalition was joined by Bohemia, the Papal States, and Lombardy. When listing our supporters, my opponent also forgot Schleswig.”

“My opponent says he opposed the admission of Kansas into the Union as a slave state, but when he was in the Senate, he championed the Missouri Compromise. He’s a flapjacker. That’s all there is to it.”

“Our intelligence was clear that Santa Anna had the capabilities to produce ironclad ships. We have not found these ironclad ships yet, but the fact remains that the Rio Grande is safer.”

“Today I call upon the Congress to promptly pass, and to send to the states for ratification, an amendment to our Constitution defining and protecting marriage as a union of a white man and white woman as husband and wife.”