Update room décor, including removal of ceiling mirrors
Restock spirit supplies, encourage Captain to offer guests other options
Acquire steelier knives and/or less resolute beast
Emphasize “heaven” image over less desirable “hell” alternative
Install electric-light system in hallway (long overdue), reassign employee who has been showing guests to room by candlelight
Upgrade music selection to accommodate both guests who dance to remember and those who do so to forget
Improve courtyard air conditioning to reduce occurrences of sweet summer sweat
Encourage nightman to be less cryptic when talking to guests
Clearly mark passage back to places guests have been before
Emphasize core strengths: lovely place, plenty of room, consistent location
Reduce power on colitis-oil highway pumps; smell may be overly aggressive
Provide “house alibis” to guests who neglect to bring their own
Streamline checkout procedures to accommodate guests’ desire to actually leave