Advertisement for chili-filled hotdog

Voice over: First we filled them with cheese, now, say hello to Hormel’s Chili-Filled Franks!

An animated lightning bolt strikes one of the dogs, thus causing the item to burst open and void its chili-like insides.

My father: Gross

- - -

Cable access program: Kickin’ Back

Show hostess Loretta interviews one of the local homeless people identified as “Hotbox.”

Loretta: How many years were you a stuntman? Any movies that we’ve…

Hotbox: Everything.

Loretta: Everything?

Hotbox: Years.

Loretta: And what about the military, were you in the service?

My father: You have got to be kidding me.

- - -

Common holiday advertisement for Coke

Polar bears toss beach ball in the arctic. Beach ball falls into water where a seal returns it to the bears. For its effort, seal is served a Coke.

My father: Riiiiiigggghhhht.

- - -

The much-anticipated
HBO Saturday Night Movie

Voiceover: Next up, Black Moon Rising with Tommy Lee Jones and Linda Hamilton.

Voiceover: This movie has been rated R.

My father: This has Linda Hamilton in it, and she’s bound to take her clothes off. Go to your room for a while.

- - -

M*A*S*H, the movie

My father: This was before the show. This was also the first time that I ever heard an actor say “fuck.”

- - -

The first Cannonball Run movie. Jack Elam extends a very long middle finger

Jack Elam: Take one of these and call me in the morning.

My father: In the sixties, I raced a real one of these with your half-brother. Let me assure you that this kind of behavior would have gotten us killed.

- - -

Willie Nelson performs his duet with Julio Iglesias, “To All the Girls I’ve Loved Before”

My father: It’s Willie and Julio “Eagleass.” (snicker)