“I’ve read better haikus on the side of ramen noodles!”

“No, the tragic death of Lynrd Skynrd is not an appropriate Fulbright lead.”

“No one really liked Carl Sandburg anyway.”

“He became a writer because he was already an alcoholic.”

“In the year 2002, no main character should ever be named ‘Charles’ again.”

“Do you really think there’s room for another satyr?”

“But I’m tired of reading slave literature.”